Some parents can wake up and get through each day without coffee, maybe just by drinking tea to wake up or meditating to combat stress. If that sounds insane to you, this article on all the ways we are probably coffee fiends will resonate. Coffee is a non-negotiable part of many of our mornings and what keeps most parents mentally going for many people, but if it was ever a question if too much coffee is being consumed, this (very sarcastic) and video-and-meme-filled guide can help figure it out.
Some may say one can never have too much coffee, but there are many levels when it comes to coffee drinking. Whether it’s seen as a habit to break or an achievement to unlock, the below points are all signs that coffee drinking is a sport that would be easily won as a parent aka heavily consumed. Grab a cup while reading and enjoy!
More from CafeMom: No More Cold Coffee! TikTok Mom Shares Perfect Parenting Hack for Drinking Coffee in Peace
Tea Ruins Lives
Realistically speaking, tea would only improve one’s life but that’s obviously (sarcastically) not the case for coffee drinkers as this calming Instagram reel jokingly tells us. At first, we think it’ll be one of those “coffee isn’t great for you” arguments, but the video takes a refreshing turn in favor of coffee drinkers.
Baristas In-Training
This mom is onto something. She shared a video showing that she taught her kid how to make coffee for her and honestly, she has hacked the game of motherhood and won. It’s a social media tutorial that parents who are coffee drinkers can learn a lot from and enhance their coffee drinking experience. Props, mama.
Hands-Free Is the Way
Coffee makes the day easier to manage, but it can be hard to manage the day one-handed since, as a coffee lover, you’ll most likely have a cup in your other hand most of the time. This is where a coffee sling, or over-the-shoulder coffee cup holder, comes in. Having a coffee cup on the go and hands-free is a sure sign you’re a Level 100 coffee drinker.
No Rain Checks
Speaking of drinking coffee hands-fee, if you own this umbrella or immediately ordered or wanted this two-in-one coffee holder and umbrella than you are absolutely obsessed with coffee. It’s the best way to drink coffee in the rain, a feat that isn’t easy, especially when lugging kids to and from school or activities in bad weather.
Alexa Knows
You may be drinking too much coffee if you have asked Alexa to make you a cup. It’s wishful thinking, but sadly just a pipe dream, coffee addicts. Even if you wish this was true you still are likely drinking a ton of coffee. Because the next best thing than a fourth cup of jo is someone to make it for you on demand.
The Glass Is Full
Some people see the glass half-full; others see it half-empty and those who are drink a lotttt of coffee see it full of coffee, and as long as coffee is in the cup, they see it full. No judgment here though, if coffee is what it takes to have a more positive outlook on life, so be it. Whatever works.
Keeping It Regular
A side effect of coffee for some people could be BM (or bowel movements) which most grown-ups welcome these days with bloating and blockages being a fun part of aging. But too much coffee could mean BMs happening a lot more often than the normal coffee drinker, even during work out classes like this mama hilariously reenacts in this video.
Coffee Is Calling
If you’re hallucinating that an unknown number is calling you to tell you to drink another cup of coffee, you might be drinking a whole lot of it. For insane, er, super committed drinkers, this might actually be somewhat real for you in the form of a reminder on your phone. Either way, definitely a sign you’re drinking a lot of coffee.
Mug Shots
If you have more than, let’s say, 15 mugs in your cupboard, or even as some sort of huge display, you might be a coffee fiend. Collecting mugs is cool, but if you have a mug for different days, or even different cups of coffee throughout the day, feel free to add yourself to this list as well.
On Full Display
If your baby onesies are related to drinking coffee like this adorable one above than that likely indicates you drink a lot of it. And if those onesies were gifts it’s safe to say your family and friends know it, too. They’re cute though so we say own it, or have your baby own it for you.
Manifesting Through Affirmations
Affirmations are great for mental health and manifesting positive thinking. But if those affirmations are almost always on cups of coffee or just about drinking coffee being what makes life better than things like perspective or inner strength, well, you might be drinking a little too much coffee.
FOMC: 'Fear of Missing Coffee'
Forget FOMO, the fear of missing out. If you drink too much coffee, then you may suffer from the totally made-up FOMC: fear of missing coffee. It happens when you think others are drinking coffee but you, or you just simply can’t imagine a world where you aren’t enjoying a cup of coffee. Symptoms include irritability and feeling stressed.
Barista Buddy
You are no longer “Caryline” or even “Corleen” or some other misspelling of your name. No, if you drink way too much coffee than you and your barista (you have a barista) are not only on a first-name basis of comfortability, but you are on a pet-name basis when it comes to what they write on your to-go cup.
Getting the Jitters
Anxiety is debilitating but not as debilitating as not having coffee (or other anxiety-inducing guilty pleasures such as listening to a true crime podcast). Sure your heart rate increases extensively and you have the shakes, but it doesn’t matter. You need your coffee. We’re not doctors, but we would get that checked out.
It Sparks Joy
Coffee just makes you feel things and it’s at the point where without it, you don’t feel things. You need it to feel joy and that’s just the way it is. Feeling joy is good and all it takes is a cup, er, a few cups of coffee so you just go for it. You may be in a never-ending cycle, but you don’t care. You need your drink of choice.
Caffeine HIIT
Drinking is a form of cardio for coffee-addicted people, and it is not only done daily but maybe even multiple times a day. What a workout regimen! That and running after kids is a perfectly acceptable exercise routine and in certain cases does make you sweat. Maybe from an increased heart rate but it’s sweat, nonetheless.
Productivity Spike
Drinking coffee gives you motivation but going overboard will drive you to do things a little over the top. For big time coffee drinkers it not only gives them enough energy to get through the day, but they might have enough caffeine circulating in their veins to run a triathlon or bench press the dog.
Keep It Going
Whether you have two cups or 10, the last sign of drinking too much coffee could be being the most productive (or any kind of productive) on the stuff. You feel you are better equipped to accomplish any task or just have the will to live and to that we say: Do you! Continue drinking that joe. Whatever keeps you going.
