Breastfeeding is a time-consuming experience, no matter how you feed. But if you’re pumping and storing your breast milk, that’s like having a full-time job. Breast milk is a hot commodity, and when you have enough to create a stash, it feels like a blessing. One mom had created a hearty breast milk stash, and was shocked and disappointed when she found it gone. Her husband had allegedly given his mom the OK to throw it out. But then his story kept changing. Now, the woman isn’t sure who to be mad at.
The family was preparing to go on a long trip away from home.
In her r/JUSTNOMIL post, the woman explained that her family would be leaving for eight months. As they got ready for their trip, she and her husband decided to move her breast milk stash to a small freezer that would stay plugged in while they were gone.
“I knew it probably wouldn’t be good for feeding by the time we came back, but I wanted to use it for baths or soap or whatever,” she explained. “I even told my husband that if necessary, he could move it to the other freezer but NOT TO THROW IT AWAY.”
During their trip, her husband returned home alone briefly for a home renovation project.
When she returned home, her breast milk stash was gone.
“I searched both freezers. My husband just stood there brushing it off: ‘I don’t know, maybe the freezer got unplugged. It was chaotic here with all the work. I don’t know.’”
Her husband then suddenly remembered that his mother may have thrown the breast milk. While the woman admitted that she may have done the same, she was “pissed” because of her husband’s actions.
“During the call, his mom admitted that she threw it away after she asked him if she could throw it away, and he said yes,” the woman wrote. “So not only did they make the decision without talking to me but they never even told me. I had to find out myself. What drives me insane is that I wasn’t even home and not one of them thought to ask me or considered that maybe they should just talk to me first.”
The fight is more about her husband, especially because of a difficult in-law relationship and his quitting therapy.
During the call, the woman became angry and “yelled that they had no right to throw it away without asking me.” Her MIL then retorted, telling her to “stop yelling because it’s ‘not good for our son.’” Her husband took his mom’s side, telling his wife she was a “bad mom for yelling.”
“It’s not just about the milk. It’s about the total lack of respect, communication, and basic consideration. And honestly, this has really changed how I see my husband,” she confessed.
People made it clear she wasn’t overreacting by being upset.
“I don’t think your husband forgot anything,” one commenter wrote. “More than anything I think he thought you’d forget about it. If it was an honest mistake there’d be apologies, not excuses. He gave his mom permission to throw it out. Throw the whole husband away.”
Another commenter chimed in: “You are not overreacting. It takes A LOT of time and effort to collect milk, and now he’s not taking any accountability for it. He’s completely minimising your efforts with the milk, as well as gaslighting you about your previous conversations. Considering he’s taking his mum’s side, you can see where he gets his manipulative traits from.”
“This is absolutely a hill to die on,” another commenter wrote. “The relationship is irrevocably changed. You can either go along with it and spend the rest of your life — and the lives of any kids — being walked all over and disrespected, or you can choose a different life. I wouldn’t stay with a man who clearly thought so little of me.”
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