I Told My Niece That I Raised Her as a Baby & Now My Sister Is Mad I Didn’t Keep It Secret

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Family relationships are complicated. People make decisions that require familial sacrifice, but then want to forget about the choices they made. One man posting on Reddit’s AITA is facing conflict from his family after revealing a serious family secret: He gave up several years of his life to care for his sister’s child. And while he was willing to make the sacrifice, his sister didn’t seem to appreciate it. And when she confronted him about something else, he didn’t hesitate to remind her. However, his sister’s child overheard, and now his sister is angry with him.

The man was only a teenager when his sister got pregnant at a young age.

Sharing his story with Reddit’s AITA community, the man explained that he was 17 when his older sister got pregnant. She was 20, and naturally felt unprepared to be a mom. Once the baby was born, she “panicked,” asking her mom and brother to be the newborn’s caretakers. After handing over her baby, she left.

“I essentially raised my niece from birth until she was 3,” the man explained. “I dropped out of school and took care of her, fed her, changed her and taught her how to walk while my mom was away at work.”

After meeting her husband, the sister came back for her daughter.

The girl is now 11, and according to the original poster, she “doesn’t remember all I and her grandmother did.” He also shared that it was a “family agreement” to never speak about what happened.

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But then he got into an argument with his sister that changed everything.

The OP claimed his sister made a “petty comment” implying that he “can’t handle responsibility” because he lost his job. He admittedly “snapped” after hearing her comment, and told her she was “lucky her daughter was too young to remember how she abandoned her.”

What he didn’t know was that the girl was within earshot and heard his comment. When she asked what he meant, he was honest. “I outright said that her mother didn’t think she could raise her, and left her with me and grandma,” he said. 

After the argument, his sister became angry, telling him he “traumatized” his niece. His mother also admonished him for revealing the secret after they agreed not to talk about it. “I think this secret couldn’t stay kept forever,” he wrote.

Overall, people agreed that the secret had to be told before more damage was done.

While some Reddit commenters believed the revelation could have happened more tactfully, it needed to happen. The sacrifices made by the OP were mentioned many times as reasons he had a right to tell his niece what he did for her.

“Secrets never stay that way,” one person wrote. “Especially secrets that should never have been. The AH in this scenario is your mother who did not parent and had YOU taking on the responsibility of parent when you were just a kid yourself. Your sister is an AH too because it is not the child she is thinking about. It is herself. She feels guilt. Doesn’t want to have to explain this to her child and would rather it be kept swept under a rug.”

Another person commented: “Delivery sucked, but honestly it really needed to be said. Just seems like OP finally snapped at having what probably feels like his daughter snatched and told to shut up about it for the next decade. Especially by a woman trying to kick OP while he’s down in earshot of the niece he raised.”

“I don’t understand why this is a secret to begin with????” another person wondered. “It should be known and celebrated that she has such a wonderful grandmother and uncle. This should have united you all. Your sister clearly feels a lot of shame for how she behaved and that must be why she doesn’t want it discussed … she’s TA for expecting you to raise her child for three years and then sweep it all under the rug.”