Betty Patterson was overjoyed when she found out she was pregnant. She and her husband, John, had been trying to conceive for about two years. Just as they were about to give up (they stopped the ovulation kits and even adopted two kittens), they found out they were pregnant with their little Maeve. When their daughter Maeve was 2, they started trying for a sibling – and Betty experienced the disappointment and sorrow of her first miscarriage. Over the next few years, she had three more. Her last miscarriage was at 13 weeks, and was too painful, both physically and emotionally, to try again. Maeve became Betty and John’s “sunshine baby” – a term coined by the pregnancy loss community to describe a baby you have before a loss. This is unfortunately just one of many sunshine baby stories; 1 in 4 women will lose a baby during pregnancy, delivery, or infancy. Read on to learn more about the meaning of the term, as well as ways to navigate the pregnancy journey after loss.
Sunshine baby: Meaning and significance
Spending time with your sunshine baby after loss
Experts agree that following a loss, it is important to set aside time with your sunshine baby, not only for him/her, but to help you move through your grief as well. “It can be healing to celebrate life together and embrace the child who is here with you,” Dr. Costantini-Ferrando suggests. “Incorporate memorializing the loss of their sibling in creative ways like building a garden, creating a piece of art, or writing a story.”
Here are some other recommended ways you can process your grief with your sunshine baby:
- Name your baby. Some grieving parents find that it helps to give the baby a name. One mom of four (including one in heaven) named her unborn child Peanut. This gave her and her kids a way of talking about the baby and processing the loss.
- Plant something. Watch your plant grow as a reminder of your baby growing in heaven.
- Paint. Have your kids paint something to remember the baby – what they imagine he looks like, what she’s doing, a memory they wanted but never got to have with their sibling.
- Read books with your child. There are many picture books about loss and grief, like The Invisible String by Patrice Karst, The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld, and The Memory Box by Joanna Rowland (all ranked in Amazon’s top 5 best sellers for children’s books on death and dying).
October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.. May you know (on this day and every day) that you are not alone, and that your child, born or unborn, is worth mourning and remembering.
*sunshine baby after loss
