One of the most common questions people asked me during the last trimester of my pregnancy was “Are you ready?” Even though I had never given birth or raised a child, I had enough sense to say no. I knew motherhood would be a challenging adjustment. Still, nothing could have prepared me for the reality of it.
Challenging is an understatement, and I was lucky enough to have a significant support system. One single mother of a special needs child is in the thick of it right now, and she admitted outright that she hates being a mom.
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'I wanna put myself first,' the mom says.
A TikTok user who goes by the name @Bvd.Juju shared a confession on the platform that’s caused quite a stir. “I hate being a mom sometimes — most of the time,” she says, looking directly into the camera. Juju didn’t stop there and shed some light on the root of her feelings.
“I wanna be selfish, I want put myself first, I want put my mental health first,” she says in the clip. The Toronto, Canada, resident continues, “I was not meant to be a mom — especially to a child with special needs.”
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Juju says she's a ticking time bomb.
In Juju’s video, which has been viewed more than a million times, she shared that characteristics of her son’s autism often leave her sleep-deprived and unable to take care of herself in the way she would like.
“I have no patience,” she says. My anger issues [are] like a ticking time bomb. I just hold it in until I can’t anymore.”
JuJu, who was also dealing with a toothache and migraine, says to cope that she once resorted to banging her head against a kitchen cabinet.
Juju also says the government needs to do more for children with autism.
In addition to raising her child alone, Juju shared that the lack of social services for children with disabilities doesn’t make her job any easier.
“It’s so hard when the government doesn’t give a f— about autistic kids,” she says. “These kids need therapies and these therapies aren’t cheap … I’m just really at my wits' end.”
Juju’s comments were met with a lot of backlash.
Critics called Juju pathetic, sad, and disgusting.
“This is abhorrent,” one user wrote in response. “There are the women who die alone in run down nursing homes without anyone. Stop talking about your kids like this.”
“Pathetic, sad and disgusting attitude and perspective on how you view your child … give him up then,” another user offered.
Another person took a more nice-nasty approach. “Let’s not normalize these kinds of thoughts,” the person wrote. "This isn’t normal or cute. See a mental health counselor not tiktok.”
Others empathized or could completely relate.
But there were even more people who understood Juju’s point and offered clarification for those who took issue with Jujus comments.
“HEY EVERYONE!” You can be tired, and angry, and miss your old self and freedom and STILL love your child!” someone explained.
Other women shared similar sentiments.
“I love my children but I hate being a mom 24/7 so I hear you,” one person wrote. “As someone’s child who has special needs and a mama myself, I VALIDATE U!”
Another TikTok user suggested this was a cry for help and that perhaps people online could help find a support group for Juju to attend.
