Michelle Obama is different these days, and people have noticed. Black women in particular have pointed out the former first lady’s braids, her lengthy nails, her oversized clothes. She seems cool and confident and is expressing a side of herself she wasn’t allowed to or didn’t feel comfortable displaying while she was in the White House.
People have wondered if her new look is a proclamation or reclamation about who she is, authentically. During a recent podcast, Obama shared that the changes we see aren’t just surface level.
Obama said for the first time, all of her choices are hers.
During a new episode of her podcast, Work in Progress, Sophia Bush asked Obama what her social life looks like these days. Obama’s answer might have been deeper than Bush was expecting. “It is whatever I want, Sophia, It’s whatever I want,” she answered. “It’s the first time in my life all of my choices are for me.”
I read that answer and took a deep breath. As a mother of young children, I can’t wait for that phase of my life. I can’t imagine what it must have been like mothering on an international stage, supporting a spouse whose ambitions put you in places and situations that weren’t always welcoming or comfortable.
She said she blamed a lot of the restrictions on her husband and children.
But now, with children who are grown and the White House in the rear view, Obama gets to do things differently. In retrospect though, she acknowledges that some of these restrictions she placed on herself. Today, she realizes that she may have made excuses.
“I have to make sure the girls are okay, or my husband’s president, so I can’t do that,” she said explaining her thought process at the time. “Now, you know, I can’t blame my decisions and indecisions on anyone other than me,” she said, adding, “I think if I’m honest with myself, I could have made a lot of these decisions years ago. But I didn’t give myself that freedom.”
Obama addressed divorce rumors.
Obama was right in some of the assumptions she made about the effect of her decisions. Her decision to skip certain political events has led people to speculate that she and former President Barack Obama’s marriage was on the rocks. “That’s the thing that we as women struggle with — disappointing people. I mean, so much so that this year people couldn’t even fathom that I was making a choice for myself. That they had to assume that my husband and I are divorcing,” she told Bush.
She explained that not fitting the stereotype of what people believe she should be doing, was labeled as something negative and horrible.
‘I chose to do what was best for me,’ Obama said.
Thankfully, at this stage in her life she’s investigating what it is she wants and taking the steps to get it. Obama said, “This was a real big example of me, myself looking at something I was supposed to do and I chose to do what was best for me. Not what I had to do, not what I thought other people wanted me to do. That was an important test for me as a woman and an independent person.”
Obama said the passing of her mother had a lot to do with this. “It’s time for me to make some big girl decisions about my life and to own it fully. If not now, when? What am I waiting for? Now is the time for me to asking these hard questions. Who do I truly want to be, everyday?”
We could take a page out of this book. Even though people will have their opinions, if Michelle Obama can choose herself in the face of thousands — possibly even millions — of naysayers, we can better advocate for ourselves as women as well.
