Body image and our sometimes negative relationships with our bodies seem like issues that have existed for generations. Instead of being grateful for our bodies, they are often the source of negative self-talk, shame, and frustration. Our culture sets the standard through movies, TV, magazines, and advertising. We see how people treat others who don’t fit the beauty mold, and we hear how the people we love speak to themselves negatively. All of this trickles down and gets embedded in our psyche.
Social media — with its filters and selfie angles, comments, likes and dislikes, videos of exercise routines, and ways one “should” look and “should” eat — is even more pervasive and full of misinformation. We know that our kids (if they have not already started) will be engaging with the screen in no time, and subject to these pervasive influences. So, the questions become: How do we raise kids that have a healthy and kind relationship with their own bodies? How do we give them a solid foundation, so when the outside world starts seeping in, they already know that their bodies are beautiful and enough? How can they block out the noise and the shame and unkind words about what a body “should” be and know that a body is miraculous?
It starts with us.
Even young kids are attuned to the energy and attitudes around them. As parents and caregivers, if we feel shame and frustration about our own bodies or express our own judgments about others, our kids will take that on. This doesn’t mean we have to stifle our feelings or the attitudes that we have carried over from previous generations and cultural influences. What it does mean is that we need to cultivate self-awareness. Notice when the mean thoughts arise, listen to how you speak to yourself and about food or exercise. What happens in your mind when something doesn’t fit or aging, giving birth, and other life changes affect your body? The attention you pay to yourself is what your children see and hear.
When your words or actions are unkind, try reframing and rewording so your kids know they can talk back to the voice that is unkind. This is not always easy and sometimes we need professional help to undo what we have learned. Nothing is perfect, but doing the work can make a huge difference in the perceptions of your kids.
Books, books, and more books.
As a picture book author, I am partial to this genre of books and there are so many amazing picture books out there that help us explore challenging topics with our kids, help them see themselves and see others. Although I have written many books for kids, I had not written one specifically about body image until recently. This was important to me because I have struggled with my relationship with my own body since I was a child. The timing felt right as soon as I met illustrator, Steph Littlebird, who had these struggles, too.
Together, we created a picture book called Body Beautiful to share with kids (and their adults) messages of the beauty of all bodies — no matter ability, color, shape, or size — and how we reflect the diversity and splendor of nature. Body Beautiful takes the words people often use as negative descriptors and reclaims them in a positive way. However, books don’t always have to be specifically about body image to make an impact. They can be stories about anything that have representation and diversity of characters.
Mindfulness helps.
I turned to mindfulness practices in my 20s when my negative self-talk was at its peak and again after giving birth to three children, seeing my body change completely, and suffering from postpartum depression (for which I received professional help as well). Being able to breathe, notice, and be curious allowed me to create space between what my mind was telling me and what was true. This can be an incredibly helpful tool for kids as they grow and face all kinds of challenges, especially the way they speak to themselves.
Mindfulness exercises with your kids give them the skill of pausing, breathing, and recognizing when they are not being kind to themselves. These exercises give us the space to ask why, learn to let those thoughts go, and replace them with positive affirmations and kindness. Doing these kinds of practices with your kids, getting creative, and creating mantras together is a wonderful way to work on yourself at the same time you are empowering your children.
Nature can nurture.
Appreciating the joy of body diversity is important now more than ever. As screens take over and words of division are louder than ever before, we need to give kids as many examples of kindness, empathy, and recognizing the importance of difference and honoring who we and others are in any given moment. One of the most powerful ways to organically share these qualities and have these conversations is to find time to be in nature. There is nothing but difference in nature. No two animals, plants, insects are alike. Each makes a contribution to the Earth’s beauty, its survival, and offers a sense of whimsy and awe.
By giving our kids opportunities to connect to nature, explore, discover, and appreciate its endless diversity, we can help them see that they are reflections of nature and we that too add to the beauty that exists in the world.
Be easy on you.
We all want to be perfect for our kids, pass on the right lessons, instill empathy and kindness, and help them become good people in the world. Taking deep breaths, practicing mindfulness and movement, having open and honest conversations, showing your kids they are loved, reading books, exploring nature, and understanding mistakes are all ways to help your kids develop healthy body images and love themselves.
But remember there is no such thing as perfect. You will forget, make your own mistakes, and even be unkind to yourself as you work on breaking the cycles that don’t serve you. Forgive yourself, give yourself grace, know that you too are enough. If you are easy on you, your kids will learn how to be easy on themselves, more equipped to break the cycles, and to love themselves fully.
This essay was written exclusively for CafeMom by bestselling author, Susan Verde, whose latest book, Body Beautiful, releases on September 23, 2025.
