There are a lot of worries when we take on the role of a parent. We struggle with finding the right balance between letting them explore the world and keeping them safe. There are so many germs that exist, and especially right now, dealing with the worldwide health crisis, we're hyper-aware that touching our face with germy hands isn't the best idea.
One mom (OP) is battling with this reality and took to Reddit to ask if she was out of line with her sister-in-law.
In the Reddit community Am I the A–hole, a mom shared an incident that happened between her young daughter and her SIL.
"I have a two year old. My husbands sister (SIL) is the only person who has ever felt the need to repetitively squeeze and rub my daughters cheeks and lips with her hands," she began her post.
According to OP, she and her daughter don't see the SIL very often, just once every four months or so. "I sort of let it slide, but would get disgusted in the interim," she admitted. "Never had enough oomph behind my spine to speak up."
But that changed after the most recent visit with her SIL.
OP said that this past weekend, she had a "get together" with her SIL and the touching issue continued.
"I was holding my daughter, SIL walked by, stuck her hands inches away from my own face in order to rub and caress the cheeks and lips of my child with her fingers and thumb," she said. "I jerked away and said, 'SIL, come on' hoping she would understand. Well she didnt."
It's a little cringy right now when people touch their faces, but according to OP, SIL isn't the most sanitary. "I watched her pick her nose, lick her fingers serving cake, and even wipe her own mouth with a tissue and then my daughters," she admitted. "3-4 additional times over the course of two days."
OP snapped.
"As she was leaving, I couldnt take it anymore," she admitted. "She walked by my daughter and grabbed her cheeks again. I spoke loud enough so the whole room could hear me; 'SIL, stop touching Child’s face!'
"She just looked confused and walked out to leave," OP wrote, adding that she felt bad about her eruption.
"I sent an apology note saying sorry for speaking to her in front of the group like that, but I underscored that I am not comfortable with her touching my childs face, especially in these times," OP explained.
"She didn't apologize or seem to understand, and instead said she gets caught up in emotion and justified it as she 'won't see her niece again until the holidays, if even'."
OP asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong here for yelling at her SIL but admits she'll stand firm on her boundaries.
There were hundreds of answers from people in the community offering their perspective on the whole event and mom's boundaries of no touching a child's face.
"NTA," one person wrote. "If she's touching your daughter's face from same fingers she picked her nose from, not only that's disgusting but also in these trying times, it's an open invitation to the horrible disease. Please keep her away from your daughter until her hands are washed and sanitized."
"YTA for not stopping her from doing all this with with your daughter, it's disgusting and not hygienic," a second person chimed in. "It's better to be seen as rude than risking her health. plus, I don't know if it's the case, but I used to hate when my aunts did that, it's annoying."
"No one is entitled to touch other peoples kids!" wrote another person. "It's a bad habit to fumble around in kids faces, because they often don't like it, it can be quite unsanitary and at the moment especially dangerous. Being "cute" is no excuse for treating a child like a doll. … Good, you stopped that. If you're not the parent, then ask — and take no for an answer."
OP added onto her post to update everyone further.
"Wowza thank you all sincerely," OP wrote at the bottom of her post. "Thank you for helping me grow in my own awareness, and ntm that new-ish spine! Being a parent is hard."
She said that she did follow up with an apology to her SIL. "SIL responded justified face touching with the fact she never sees Child."
OP sent another message that read: "I understand its a tough time and change for all to navigate. Everyone has their own place in which they draw the line. [Current health crisis] or not, I'm asking in the future to please respect my boundary in that I am uncomfortable with all the touching of her face. Thank you for understanding where I am coming from."
The SIL responded to say that she would be "more mindful of the touching of the face."
"My FINAL response to SIL in shelving the matter was, 'I would sincerely appreciate it not happening again. Thanks again,'" OP wrote.
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