It's that time of year again — time for a Halloween party with a big, ice-cold bucket of water with a few apples floating on the surface. You will be invited to dunk you head into said bucket and attempt to grasp one of those apples with your teeth and wrest it from its bath. You will get water up your nose. Your carefully applied Elvira makeup will smear. You will see a set of fake eyelashes floating by and wonder if they're yours. You will not be victorious in retrieving an apple. You will experience Apple FAIL.
You know who retrieves an apple? That crazy guy who's willing to dunk his entire body into the bucket. But you don't need to go through those lengths. You just need a strategy.
Herewith: Your Apple Bobbing Strategy
Okay apple bobbers, it's all about the prep.
1. Choose an apple-bobbing-friendly costume: scuba diver.
2. Leave the false eyelashes at home.
3. Wear vampire teeth to help grasp the apples. Did I mention you're actually a vampire scuba diver?
4. Also bring a snorkel but attach it to your nose because you'll need your mouth for grabbing the apple.
5. No, that scuba suit does NOT make your butt look big.
6. Insist on organic or at least minimally treated apples because ew, bath of pesticides!
7. Before you leave for the party, take some time to meditate. Here's your mantra: ommmmshebobsforapples, ommmmshebobsforapples …
8. Okay, now it's your turn to bob. Put in your teeth. Affix your snorkel. Pull on your diver hood.
9. Get your teeth around the apple and push it against the wall of the bucket instead of the bottom.
If you're a daredevil and an insufferable show-off, skip steps 1-8 and start with #9. But I warned you, it's way easier with the scuba gear.
10. Gloat because you are an Apple WINNER!
Congratulations, I hope it was worth it.
Image via Calebdzahnd/Flickr
