Most of us women are pretty good at being able to tell loser guys from diamonds in the rough. We instinctually know how to steer our course through a zillion red flags that pop up like booby traps as we navigate our way through the single life, looking for a prospective partner. But every now and then, you'll see a smart, beautiful friend of yours with some dopey or downright douche-baggy guy and think, "Oh no, honey, why? Why, oh, why do you think that he's a keeper? He's a bum from hell, and he's only going to bring you down!" (I'm looking at you, Kat Von D.)
This concerns me.
That's why I think we could all use a little refresher course on how to tell if a guy is completely and totally not husband material. After all, there are plenty of telltale signs. Here, 30 of 'em …
- You can't tell if he's gay or not. If you're not 100 percent sure that he leans hetero, then err on the side of caution and face that you're probably barking up the wrong tree. When it comes to looking for a hubby, there should be no guessing games.
- He is gay. You're not going to convert him, he's not going to make an exception for you, and you deserve someone who is into you — all of you.
- He doesn't bring you flowers for absolutely no reason at all. (It's the little things that keep the romance in the equation.)
- He refuses to see a chick flick. Every girl deserves a guy who will watch and enjoy The Notebook.
- He blows his money on crazy, flashy stuff like expensive watches or sports cars. Research even shows "big spenders" make better hook-ups than hubbies. (In fact, they're such tools to think they can win our love by being materialistic, they should be ignored altogether!)
- He drinks too much, smokes too much, eats too much, etc. Addiction's one HUGE red flag.
- He doesn't respect his mother.
- He's co-dependent with his mother. (Perhaps he still LIVES with her? That's not "sweet," it's a problem.)
- He won't let you use his laptop or smartphone. (What's he hiding in that text message inbox, hmmm? You don't wanna marry a Weiner, after all.)
- He says "I love you" too quickly into the relationship. Studies show this could be a sign he's just trying to get you in bed and will fear commitment later on.
- When you say diplomatically that you wish he did XYZ (take out the trash more often, brush his teeth before a make-out session, etc.), he gets defensive and accuses you of wanting to "CHANGE him!"
- He says something about how he hopes you don't get fat/ugly/old-looking in the future. (Oh, this has happened!)
- He expects you to clean up after him.
- He's been divorced more than once (or twice or more — or maybe even has a cheating scandal a la Jesse James under his belt, ay yi yi!)
- He doesn't know how to use power tools. Or at least a hammer.
- He isn't in sync with you sexually.
- His cellphone rings while he's out to dinner with you and he says, "Sorry, I have to take this, it's my girlfriend/wife."
- He asks you to meet him at a bar and all of his friends are there to "approve" of you.
- He cares more about his "bros" than anything else in his life.
- He doesn't know how to separate work from life.
- He's never been in a relationship for more than a year.
- You ask him if you look fat in your outfit, and he says, "Yes." (I love the followup to this one: "Well, what did you WANT me to say?!")
- He doesn't get along with your friends.
- He doesn't show up for you — or better yet, take care of you — when you're sick or recovering from surgery.
- He's always nickle and diming when it comes to paying a bill.
- He doesn't listen to you … or at least do a good job pretending he's listening!
- You've never been able to talk for hours with him about everything and nothing at all.
- You feel pressured to always have to be "on" around him, keeping up with him — whether it's with sarcastic remarks or sports trivia.
- He doesn't want kids, and you do. Or vice-versa.
- He doesn't usually make you feel like the smartest, most beautiful, amazing woman in the universe.
Sure, every guy is going to have his shortcomings, but if he's most of the above, then he's probably not worthy of being your hubby. Thank goodness for the fact that there's a guy out there who is!
What other signs show a guy's not husband material?
Image via Pedro Ribeiro Simoes/Flickr
