Phonetic Hanukkah Prayer That Will Solve All Hebrew Humiliation

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Some of us Jewish people went to Hebrew and Sunday School, memorized all the prayers, and grew up with parents who taught us how to celebrate all the holidays, including Hanukkah. Some of us didn't. Since I fall into the latter camp of lapsed Jewish faith, I never was willing to invite people to my house for the holidays. It was just embarrassing.

My Zaydee (grandfather in Yiddish) was a wonderful man, but he decided to make up a Hanukkah blessing, teach it to my dad, and continue it through the years. So the Hanukkah blessing I grew up on was all wrong. Thanks, Zaydee!

This made it loads of fun when my more serious Jewish friends would come over and I would be eating pepperoni and saying this made up prayer. Luckily, as I grew, I was able to attend a Jewish day school and actually learn some things about my religion. Still, I feel for those who grew up like me. For you, I give you the phonetic prayer:

Blessing Over Candles

Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam
Blessed are you, Lord, our God, sovereign of the universe

asher kidishanu b'mitz'votav v'tzivanu
Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us

l'had'lik neir Shel Hanukkah. (Amein)
To light the lights of Hanukkah. (Amen)

Blessing for Hanukkah

Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam
Blessed are you, Lord, our God, sovereign of the universe

she'asah nisim la'avoteinu bayamim haheim baziman hazeh. (Amein)
Who performed miracles for our ancestors in those days at this time

Shehecheyanu (first night only)

Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam
Blessed are you, Lord, our God, sovereign of the universe

shehecheyanu v'kiyimanu v'higi'anu laz'man hazeh. (Amein)
Who has kept us alive, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season (Amen)

See, now everyone is happy. Take this little cheat sheet with you to your next holiday party. You will get the added bonus of actually knowing what you are saying!

More Hanukkah Goodies:

8 Hanukkah Songs for 8 Days of Celebration

5 Awesome Menorahs to Trick Out Your Hanukkah Celebration

5 Fun Twists on Classic Potato Latkes