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Whoever wrote the wedding vows got it all wrong. It should be love, honor, and eye roll.
If you've been married more than a month, you know what I'm talking about. It's those little moments when he actually thinks he's being smart, sincere, witty, or helpful, but in reality it's just downright annoying.
Here are some of the comments that make women question how good a catch they've got:
- "Are you gonna wear Spanx with that?" While honesty is generally the best policy, your wife does not want to know that you know she wears a body shaper. Find some other way to delicately point out the pudge.
- "Okay, I'll babysit." How many times do we have to tell you, it's not babysitting if they are your own kids.
- "Whoever makes more money should do less housework." Who are you, Don Draper? The Mad Men era ended, like, 50 years ago so grab a broom.
- "Don't worry, it'll grow back." After a bad haircut, those are the least soothing words you can say. Just come up with something you like about the new look.
- "Why don't you ever wear stuff like that?" For most moms, the days of daisy dukes and mini skirts are long gone. Comparing us to the rare mommy who still has the nerve to slip on skimpy outfits will only get you in trouble.
- "But I changed a diaper this morning." Yeah, and guess how many times your darling daughter has peed since then. Your turn!
- "Really, how much harder would another kid be?" Of course the person who does the least amount of cooking, cleaning, and nurturing would think adding to the brood was no big deal. Let's see if you feel that way after playing Mr. Mom for week.
- "You've turned into your mother." It's a reality no woman is ever ready or willing to face, whether it's true or not.
- "Wow, your best friend looks EXACTLY the same as she did in high school!" Implicit in that is your wife doesn't. It's better for you to gawk in secret.
- "I can't find my…" Let's get real. You can't find it because you didn't look that hard.
More from The Stir: 5 Tasks My Husband Just Can't Do
What are some other things a husband should never say to his wife?
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