When a woman walks down the aisle to her new spouse, she immediately changes in so many ways. Gone are the days of thinking only about herself, living alone (assuming she did), and making spontaneous decisions without having to consult anyone. Gone, too, is the world of dating.
And for many men and women, that is the hardest part of marriage. Think about it. When we are dating, we are our best selves. Do you want to go out until 2 a.m.? Yes, please! Eat at that new, expensive restaurant? Always! Hang out and try to watch football even though you hate it? I'm up for it!
I am no different. The person I was when I was dating my husband is almost nothing like the person I am as his wife. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration — and I am also 13 years older — but you get the drift. We get married, we change.
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But what are the things we women absolutely shouldn't give up? What are the things that can destroy your marriage if you quit them? Here are 7 things married women shouldn't stop doing:
1.) Trying new things. When my husband and I were first dating, I agreed to start watching football with him. I hated football, but I loved him. We would go to bars and spend all day on Sunday betting on the games, eating wings, and hanging out with friends. In the decade since we married? I can count on one finger the number of times we have watched a game. It was the Super Bowl in 2007. That's it. Pretty sad, right?
I vow to stop that. My marriage is good, but it could be even better if I tried to do the things he loves, too!
2.) Having a sense of humor. Life gets hard and complicated, but even when you are drowning in housework, have three kids hanging from your leg, and miles to go before you sleep, life is damn hilarious. Don't forget to laugh. By yourself. With your husband. The couples who laugh together stay together.
"Couples who can laugh at themselves or at their situation usually feel stronger when problems arise," says Sheri Stritof, About.com's marriage expert. She's exactly right. They do. So laugh again!
3.) Being sexually creative. Remember back in the days when you gave blow jobs? Yeah. Do that again. Married people might be having more sex than their single counterparts, but that doesn't mean it's the same as when they were dating. Vary it up!
"If you wait to have sex until one or both of you genuinely feel desire, you'll wait too long," psychologist Harriet Lerner, PhD, author of Marriage Rules, told Huffington Post.
4.) Acting affectionate. Hugging and saying "I love you" to your spouse is JUST as important as it was when you were dating. But so many wives forget this. Sometimes at the end of a busy day, when my husband comes home from work and pulls me into a hug, it's the LAST thing I want to do. I often push him away. Another thing I need to get better about!
"Think in terms of ramping up the sweetness in your marriage. No matter how awkward you feel at first, you’ll soon enjoy being in the loving atmosphere that results," says Dr. Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist and the author of Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage.
5.) Looking at your relationship through rose-colored glasses. When we first get married, we can't get enough of each other. We see each other in the best possible light. God, his breath smells good in the morning. Isn't it SO cute when he bunches up the bath mat after his shower?
After marriage? Not so much. Let it go. See the man you were dating again. Hold your breath when he kisses you in the morning and soon you won't smell it. Stop pushing him away and see what you could be together again.
6.) Keeping things private. Just because you're married doesn't mean you can talk about your husband and your marital problems all day long. Keep them close to the vest. In fact, talking about the problems sometimes makes them worse. Too many cooks in the kitchen don't lead anywhere good.
"Talking smack tends to intensify bad feelings and resentment that you are holding about your husband. It's much healthier to count your blessings about him instead," says Tessina. "If you have a problem, talk it out with him; don't use the childish tactic of talking smack."
7.) Letting little things slide. Pick your battles in marriage just as you did in dating. Does he do the dishes MOST of the time? Yes. Then you can forgive that one time he went to bed and left you with a sink full.
It's all about perspective. The things you would forgive in your boyfriend, you should also forgive in your husband. Obviously, he should do the same.
Live like you are dating. Wives need to act like girlfriends again. Hold hands. Smile. Laugh. Your marriage will thank you for it.
Are you different since you got married?
Image © iStock.com/AZemdega
