When it comes to love, there can be something romantic about the idea of "opposites attract." When it comes to money, however, there can be a whole lot of conflict when a spender finds love with a saver.
We've long known that finances can be a major source of tension in most marriages, and when someone who loves to pinch a penny settles down with a financial free spirit, it seems only logical that fighting about money is bound to happen.
But does having a financially mixed marriage mean certain doom?
Not according to these women, who share how they and their partners make it work when money is on the line.
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I'm the Spender
"I am the spender, he is the saver. I have learned to spend frugally — shopping sales, thrift stores, etc. — so I can get my fix. I did have a moment of clarity when I came home from a shopping trip bragging about my deals only to have him say, 'You could have saved 100 percent if you didn't buy anything.'" — Marta S.
Yours, Mine, Ours
"Oh boy. Money fights used to be brutal between us. In fact, we almost got divorced because of his spending habits (I'm a saver). We eventually went to a marriage therapist who is also a financial counselor, and she helped us figure out that we need to have a 'yours, mine, ours' approach to money. We each have our own accounts that we can do whatever we want to with, but we have a joint account that makes sure all the bills get paid. As long as he doesn't have credit card debt, I can't say anything about what he does with 'his' money. It has helped a lot." — Anonymous
Big Picture
"I am a spender. I wouldn't call my husband a saver, but more of a big-picture manager. I do the all the day-to-day stuff, and when I stopped working and we moved to one paycheck, I gave myself a budget. As long as I keep us clothed and fed, what else I do with the money is up to me. Once or twice a year, we run the numbers and discuss if adjustments can or need to be made."– Megan S.
Love Languages
"For me, money represents security. For my husband, it represents opportunity and status and stuff. We fought a lot about his spending until I finally explained that I need to have a healthy savings account to feel safe and secure. Once he understood that it wasn't that I don't want him to have fun and that it was deeper than that, it got easier for him to put more money aside for savings." — Kristy K.
More from The Stir: 10 Completely Creative Ways to Save
Side Job Spender
"I'm a spender married to a saver. I do things on the side like coach swim lessons that ultimately validate some purchases I make. I don't feel guilty taking it out of our bank account then, because it's my money I went out of my way to make and it is aside from my career. He is on board with that, especially because many times I will use that on our date nights! I do need to save more though, and I have started putting some of that extra money in savings now." — Lauren C.
We vs. Me
"I'm a total spender married to a saver. There is never any tension between us, and we never really fight about money. However, there have been several times where she told me that we need to watch how much we are spending. She seems to always say we, when really it's just me. We also have a deal that if anything costs over $100, we will talk about it before purchasing it." — Kim N.
Shared Goals
"I'm the saver, and he is the spender. One thing that has helped us manage this is by making sure that it is always really clear what we are saving for. Just saving for 'the future' didn't really resonate with him. But saying, 'Okay, we're going to save $4,000 for an amazing vacation' helps him be more willing to give up the daily spending habits, because he has something more short-term to look forward to." — Ginger D., Washington, DC
Triggers
"I am the spender partnered with a saver over here. We have mostly combined finances in a way that allows for a 'no questions asked' allowance budget for both of us. My spending habits actually bother me though, because his parents are incredibly financially unstable, and I worry that I will trigger those stresses in him by being too careless with my money. It's a very irrational thought process that I have trouble moving past." — Brooklyn P.
Second Time Around
"This is the second marriage for both of us and we decided early on not to combine finances — at all. I have my money, and he has his. I spend what I like, and he doesn't get to say anything about it. This works because we both make comfortable salaries and have retirement savings taken care of, so we know the future looks good!" — Maya R.
More from The Stir: 10 Things to Love About Second Marriages
Big Spender
"Our situation is interesting in that he is a saver, and I am a spender, but I make a lot more money than he does. Even though I think of our money as really being 'ours,' I know he doesn't always feel comfortable talking to me about my spending when I am the one bringing home the big bucks. We've compromised: As long as we meet certain savings targets each month, he doesn't ask about how much money I spend on clothing and beauty stuff (my main spending categories). It works for us." — Tasha B.
He Refuses to Shell Out
"Spender married to a saver. Our degrees of spending/saving balance each other though. When we met, I had credit card debt, but he helped me get that under control and start investing for the future. He wouldn't (and sometimes still won't) won't buy anything new until he absolutely has to — like it's falling apart — and he also tends to buy things based on cost without regard to quality and suitability. For example, when we met, he had a lot of clothes that were ill fitting or poor quality — or, worse, gifts from his mom and grandma, so they were ill fitting, unflattering, and unstylish." — Sarah M.