When it comes to numbers we want to keep private, the number of sex partners we've had is probably right up there with weight and salary in terms of secrecy. We may know these numbers by heart, but that doesn't mean we want everyone else to know. But, low or high, is that number something we should feel bashful about owning? I threw this question about our number of sex partners out to a group of my girlfriends and was blown away by the range of numbers I heard and what those numbers really mean to us.
Turns out, it's not so simple after all. A high number doesn't mean any one thing to all women — in fact, the idea of a "high" number is all in the eye of the beholder anyway. For some, one partner was high enough. For others, it was not even close.
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It turns out our "number" means so much more than just how many people have seen us naked. It's also about shame and fun and love and regrets. There are those who wish their number was different and those, both with high and low numbers, who are totally comfortable with their sexual pasts.
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So, whether we've had one partner or 40-plus partners along the way, when we read about these other women's experiences, we definitely find ourselves in good company.
Good Times
"My sex number means to me that I was quite promiscuous between ages 19-25. I feel fine about it, I had no problem doing casual stuff because I was super safe 100 percent of the time and it was fun and funny. I stopped counting after 30 — but it's probably under 40." — R.V.
Too Low
"I sometimes wish my number was a little higher. My sex life with my husband is great but I wish I had not had all sorts of hang-ups about sex before I met him because I was raised in a super religious household where sex was a sinful thing. My number is 3, but I wish it was more." — S.T.
One & Only
"My number is one and I am totally good with that! I love that my husband and I are each other's 'one and only' and that we waited until we were married. I have no regrets about waiting." — O.M.
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No Regrets
"10 or maybe 11? Hmm. Time to make a list! Two were women, the rest men. I feel great about it. I lived my life, had some adventures, had good sex, bad sex, sex with losers, sex with interesting men, sex with people I loved, sex just for sex's sake. It helped shape me. I know my body, I know what I like, and I know I'm lucky to have married into the best damn sex of my life." — L.D.
Wish for More
"I wish I would have been more confident and adventurous in my late teens/early 20s. I've got three. I feel meh about it." — N.F.
Married Virgin
"So, my story is different. My husband and I met at Bible college. We were both raised very conservatively. Not Duggars, but close. We met our freshman year and were engaged by our sophomore year. We got married a little over a year ago — but I'm still a virgin! Right before we got married, my husband told me that he felt like the Lord was telling him to not have sexual intercourse until we were ready to have kids. We're both in grad school and don't have enough money for kids yet, so we're waiting.
If I'm honest, I don't love it. I would like to have sex with my husband. But I also believe he is the head of our household and I need to follow his leadership. I'm not open about this though because it feels embarrassing and I know it will be weird to a lot of people." — A.A.
Boring Husband
"I'm at five, but wish I would have had more and more adventurous sex when I was younger because my hubby is boring. Omg! Did I really say that?" — L.H.
Satisfied
"I feel okay with my number. I actually don't know the exact number, but I would say under 20. I had a great time in my early 20s, traveled the world and took 100 percent precaution. I'm glad I did, and now I'm settled with an amazing man who satisfies me." — F.D.
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Role Model
"I've had five partners, and I feel good about that. As my daughter gets older, I think about how I'll feel about sharing that number if she asks and I think I'll feel okay about it. I had enough partners to learn a few things and to recognize good sex when I found it!" — E.S.
Two Numbers
"My number with dudes? Over 20. My number with women? Just one — my wife! I think I was sleeping with a lot of guys trying to find the one that made sex feel right.
Turns out it wasn't going to be a guy. I'm gay! And it took one time with my wife to figure that out!" — S.F.
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