Whether you're a single mom or still have vivid memories of #SingleLife before you met your partner, chances are that at one point, friends or family members have offered to set you up. Tinder be damned! They know you better than anyone else, so they're obviously best suited to find your soul mate, right? And our own mothers, because they want the best for us, of course, are particularly notorious for wanting to play matchmaker. But if you are ever tempted to let her, you may want to think twice, says professional matchmaker of 25 years Carmelia Ray, star of Mom vs. Matchmaker.
On her show, Ray challenges moms of millennial contestants in setting up dates for their kids. And as Ray tells us, moms mean well, and want the best for their adult children, obviously, but they're just not cut out to be your ideal matchmaker. Here, five major reasons why.
1. She doesn't necessarily know who you are … at least in relationships. "A lot of moms have a perception of their child that their child wants them to know, and the mom only knows them that way," Ray says. It's not that you're hiding your true identity from your mom, but she doesn't necessarily see all the sides of your personality. "It's different from knowing your child's taste in clothing and what they like to eat, their musical taste, etc.," Ray explains. "In many cases, moms and kids just don't talk about their relationships."
Not many of us feel comfortable sitting down with our moms and explaining all of the nitty-gritty, maybe intimate details we'd like in a partner. And not having that information puts her at a disadvantage when it comes to playing matchmaker. And if they try, they're seeking a match based on who they think their child is, versus who you actually are, Ray says.
2. She may think she knows better than you. Even if you're able to vocalize what you're looking for, your mom may have another idea. "There is this, 'Oh, my daughter doesn't know what she wants! I know what she wants. She doesn't have a clue, which is why she's single, so I've got the right person for her!'" Ray says. It's possible she may actually know better, but working with a pro matchmaker — or at least someone other than your mom! — means you won't risk being second-guessed.
More from CafeMom: 'Our Secret Makes Us Closer': 11 Couples Reveal the One Thing They Aren't Telling Anyone
3. She'll look for someone she wants for you, not necessarily who you want for you. "Moms often look for matches who moms think are good for the child and not who the child thinks is good for them," Ray says. "Like they choose the golden boy or golden girl, but the child may be looking for someone who's a little edgy or on the wild side. A mom is going to look for someone who they prefer. Who they'd want to introduce to their friends and family."
4. She may be more focused on the 'win' than finding you the right match. Ray gives a lot of moms credit for being ambitious when it comes to finding the right person for their child — especially those who've competed on her show! "Every mom has the drive, they have a 'don't give up' attitude," Ray says. "They will do whatever they need to do."
But this could easily backfire if they're just pushing too hard. "They may force a fit," Ray says. "Sometimes, they find someone and want to mold them into someone their daughter or son would like, when they're not really an authentic fit," Ray shares.
More from CafeMom: 12 Women Bust the Myth That Your Partner Should Be Your BFF
5. She's not as good as a professional, not matter what she tells you. Sure, she has other mom friends and other couple friends, and she could look for a match for you at the local library, the dog park, her yoga class, the grocery store — but her circle has its limits. Professional matchmakers have access to resources, like a much wider network of singles, and understand all the ins and outs of modern dating — like navigating the world of swiping around on Tinder, Bumble, or Plenty of Fish.
Mom vs. Matchmaker airs Tuesdays at 8/7 Central on Myx TV.
