If you're looking for a fright, you can forgo paying $12 to see It in theaters and just hop onto eBay. That's right — eBay is the purveyor of everything, and selling paranormally haunted dolls is no exception. No, you did not wake up in a remake of Chucky — this is a real thing. Search ebBay right now, and you'll find at least a half-dozen dolls with a backstory so creepy they'd keep Stephen King up at night. People try to pawn their haunted dolls off onto (apparently willing) customers with enough regularity that eBay has a "paranormal policy." (Sellers must swear their posting is for "entertainment value" only and promise the buyer receives only a "tangible doll" with "no promise" of a spirit.)
Below are five of the creepiest, supposedly possessed dolls that you can find on the online auction site. You might just end up purchasing one of them, but probably not.
There's this $100 possessed Urkel doll, which was dropped off at a woman's doorstep by her spited ex-boyfriend (who also dabbles in the dark arts).
"Sadly, this spirit does not match the doll's TV persona … (use caution when considering this adoption) please don't get this as a prank gift or for a child," the poster, who is located in Eugene, Oregon, wrote in the eBay posting.
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The poor doll has gone through "many dark magic rituals" with her "nasty" ex, and currently houses a spirit called Zaz. "You will see dark shadows and figures … hear nasty cracking sounds and scary screams … the room will drop to freezing temps!" the poster ominously warns.
And in case this wasn't abundantly clear, the poster goes on to caution: "I don't recommend [keeping] him in the room you sleep [in]."
The poster and her friend, who was given the doll, dabble with "light entities," and the poster claims to have made contact with Zaz through a medium and spirit board. "But in truth, [I] don't feel good about contacting this entity," she wrote.
"Maybe someone can safely bind and house Zaz in their care," she continued.
Or maybe we'll get our Urkel fix by streaming Family Matters on Netflix, thank you very much.
There's this $150 Raggedy Annabelle doll, which was inherited by someone's recently deceased grandmother.
This person was "terrified" of this now 50-year-old doll when they were younger, and felt like her black button eyes would follow them around. "It feels like she is looking into your very soul," the poster wrote.
Since having her in their home, this person has been suffering from extreme sleep paralysis, and has noticed her body posture changing on her own. Apparently, one night, the doll moved from the one room into the living room on *its own*. But it's not just the doll itself — pictures have been falling off walls, and lights flicker for no reason.
The poster said the doll is beautiful, rare, and in good condition, but is "causing too many disturbances in my home and does NOT get along well with other vessels. She needs to go to a new home as soon as possible." Makes sense, I guess.
Then there's this $80 creepy-looking musical doll, which someone purchased at an antique store about a year ago.
No one knows how old the doll is or where he came from, but he can play a "slow, sad song" when you twist the switch on his back.
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Since owning him, the poster has noticed door knobs jiggling, doors opening and closing, the sound of footsteps, and of course, the bad feeling that someone is watching you.
Two weeks ago, they were in the kitchen when they saw a white shadowy figure from the corner of their eye. The spirit-like figure walked closely to them before stomping away. (Tbh, that would ruin my appetite.)
But the poster reassures anyone browsing that the doll doesn't necessarily have an evil spirit, but just a general "eerie feeling." They would keep him, but they've decided it's best to part ways. Understandable.
Not all of the haunted items on eBay are actual dolls -- one is this bear statue, which is priced at $29.
The poor little guy wasn't always haunted though. The poster's daughter and three of her friends were having a seance on night — mostly with good spirits, don't worry — when "one very evil spirit" hopped on into the statue.
Apparently, the statue is pretty active, causing windows to open and flood in cold air, even when it's hot outside. It also causes items to fly around the room, which just sounds downright dangerous.
"The spirit really wants to get your attention," the poster wrote. "There is no telling what else the spirit is capable of. Many many strange things happen when this vessel is near. We just need it out of our home."
This one is definitely for a brave soul. But hey, $29 is kind of a steal.
But not all spirits are ominous or bad, like this $54.99 porcelain baby doll named Mary Lou.
This poster got this doll from their witch friend, Ruth. "She was a dear friend of mine and left them to me because she knows that I will guide them home," the poster wrote.
Anyway, back to the doll: Mary Lou apparently died at age 22 in 1953 after seeing her cousin Susie's husband cheating on poor Susie. Supposedly, Susie's husband pushed Mary Lou off a cliff to her death.
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Owners of Mary Lou will hear her weep at night and talk and gossip. "No need to be scared," the poster continued. "She just needs to talk."
While we wish all these sellers the best in their endeavors, we're gonna have to pass.
Is anyone else going to leave the light on tonight?