Look, we all love a good advice column. As a bunch of nosy people, they're the best way to get all up in other people's business. But one recent column in the Toronto Star has people across the Internet seriously fired up, after a 48-year-old man wrote in that he was unsure if he should bring his 19-year-old wife to his office Christmas party. Sure, an older man married to a young girl is bound to turn some heads when there's a significant age gap, but what people are really angry about is that this man complained about being judged from his peers when he brought past girlfriends to the annual party — ages 16 and 17.
The drama started when an anonymous man wrote in to the Ellie Advice column.
The man wrote that "gossip-monger types" (aka, most likely women who immediately noticed that his girlfriend was a high school junior) got in salacious conversations with his past teenage girlfriend. And the unwanted chatter "hurt my reputation." Yes, THEY were what ruined your reputation … not.
The next year, he told his new girlfriend, 17, to "look a bit older" at the next holiday event, but in ANOTHER batch of bad luck, his senior VP's daughter was her high school classmate and he spotted her, condemning him to further humiliation.
You would think that at think point he would realize that dating younger girls is just not a good look, but nope. Instead, he's now asking an advice columnist how to sneak his 19-year-old wife into the party unnoticed.
The man added that going to the party would be important for his career: "I’m on an executive track in a senior leadership role."
"However, if I attend with my wife, I risk possibly irking many people, especially since numbers of my colleagues have daughters in her same age-range," he wrote. "I don’t think this’ll go well in this #MeToo era."
So what's a creep — I mean, what's a guy to do? Should he bring his wife to the Christmas party and risk the ire of his co-workers or not bring his wife and disrupt his marital bliss?
Or, or — just here me out — a third option: He should just stop getting into relationships with teenagers??
Let's not mince words. People online HATED this man.
And they relished the opportunity to take the piss out of him.
"Just tell them she's grounded or can't be out past 11:00 p.m.," one person advised.
Others pointed out that maybe he was confused and to think of it as a "Take Your Daughter To Work" thing.
But others pointed to the truth: the man's math just didn't check out.
But there was one person who stuck-up for the man.
But she is wrong. Love is dating women who are old enough to vote…
Poor Advice Columnist, Ellie Tesher, had to then try and give this man advice.
"Some facts about your previous relationships are worth reviewing," she wrote.
In the United States, the legal age of consent varies state-by-state, but most states agree that anyone younger than 16 to 18 isn't old enough to consent to having sex.
Although it should be noted that just because you can have sex with a minor, it doesn't mean you should.
In fact, a 2013 study published by the Journals of Interpersonal Violence found that adolescent girls who engage in relationships with older male partners "are at greater risk for adverse sexual health outcomes than other adolescent girls."
The study cites that these relationships often leave girls who date older men with "low relationship power," described as "the degree to which one can act independently of a partner’s control, influence a partner’s actions, and dominate decision-making." Researchers are concerned about girls in that situation. "In adolescent girls, low relationship power has been linked to intimate partner violence (IPV) and unprotected sex."
"It begs the question: Back then, how much say did your teenage companions have in your decisions?" Ellie continued.
"They may’ve participated in legally consensual sex, but, when you were ordering someone to hide her age and 'dress a bit older,' was that 'a relationship of trust' which could have challenged its legality? Some of those 'gossip-monger types' might have wondered," she continued (with much more patience than I have).
"Now for the present. Your wife at 19 now, was the legal age to marry months ago at 18, anywhere in North America except for Nebraska, the one state that sets the age of majority at 19," Ellie wrote.
She advised the man to discuss the options together as a couple, though urged them to be "open and realistic about their pros and cons."
On the one hand, if the man were to not go to the party, "with its opportunities for meeting and chatting up top execs, then without a very plausible excuse, it can dim your career path."
But on the other hand, if he does go with his wife he is opening himself up to criticism from "some with similar-age daughters and/or raise #MeToo thoughts among currently-activist observers, despite her wedding band. That can also risk future promotions for you."
And Ellie brings up a third point that would be true in any marriage. "IF your wife feels that by going alone you insult and diminish her, that’s a risk to your relationship, and one you apparently hadn’t yet considered."
"Your job prospects are important. But not more important than sharing a life of respect and love with a true partner," she explained. "Decide together."
