Not all people show love and affection the same way. That's why we talk about there being different "love languages." Often, there's a difference in the love languages we use and the ones our partners use — and not understanding how another person expresses their affection because it's different from our own can cause tension and fights. For instance, if we really love spending time snuggled on the couch together, maybe our primary love language is "quality time." And if we express that to our partner, he'll know to prioritize it — even if he needs his alone time, too. But may also need help seeing the way a partner shows us love already. Perhaps his version of showing love is to make our lunch for us, do our laundry, or always keep a bottle of our favorite seltzer in the fridge. Those are "acts of service," and they're another, equally valuable, love language.
We think it's a great idea to take the love language quiz to determine our own love languages and pay attention to what our partner offers and responds to, so we can keep up a healthy dialogue, acknowledge the ways our partner shows us love already, and keep in touch about what makes us feel seen, valued, and heard. And in thinking about ways to express love generally — and in a cuter, flirtier way, consider using song lyrics or maybe getting a tattoo to show that love.
One of the five love languages is "words of affirmation," and whether or not they're everyone's No. 1 love language, the truth is, we can all use some words of affirmation now and again. While the term may seem fancy, it really just means "compliments" and they're great for everyone.
The Good Parenting Compliment
Being a parent is a challenge, even with the easiest of kids. Nobody feels like they are getting it right. So when we notice our partner winning at parenting, it's important that we tell her. She might not know, and our opinion means everything.
Lookin' Good, Babe!
He's been getting up early for spin class. She's been training for a marathon. Or maybe he's been making even more amazing pasta than usual or she's been eating everything in sight with her third pregnancy … either way, the results are in. Our partner's bod is important, whether it's leaner or more full … so take note and throw a compliment.
Great Balance!
It's good to take a step back and remember that our partners, like us, are always trying to do it all — balance work, home, friends, and family. Make him feel good about his efforts by giving him a compliment for doing so! (And help out where possible, too).
Nice Hair!
It may seem trivial, but when a partner says she's going to get her hair done, compliment her on it when she returns. A haircut isn't just haircut. It can change someone's whole look, and even if she's just getting the same cut as usual and not making a drastic change, it's nice to say it looks good.
Never Hurts to Say 'I Love You'
Most couples think it, but don't always remember to say it. But those three little words, "I love you," can be incredibly powerful. And the truth is, we can never really say it enough. And strong couples say it — and mean it — all the time. So if there's ever an opportunity to remind our partners how we feel about them, take it!
Express Gratitude
There's nothing worse than feeling unappreciated by one's partner. A simple way to avoid that is to express gratitude toward our partners and all he does for us. It may not seem like a compliment, but anyone who's ever been on the receiving end of gratitude and appreciation knows it really, really is.
Home Sweet Home
Chances are, one person in the relationship takes care of the house more than the other does. That's cool, but make sure to compliment that person on making the house a home. Chances are she put a lot of love into making a shared living space spectacular.
Best Friends Forever
Being in love with our partner is so important, but he also wants to know that we're best friends. So even though we've got our friends from college or former colleagues we love as our BFFs too, our partner wants to know he's our truly best friend forever.
Pride in the Name of Love
Our opinion means everything to our partners. So when our partner accomplishes a difficult goal, takes a carefully considered risk, tries something difficult — or even if we just see her working hard and keeping her head down — take note, and acknowledge it.
Hot to Trot
Whether we've been together for 10 months or 10 years, our partner wants to know we're still hot for him or her. So say it! Chances are, he'll feel really good about being validated this way, and who knows — maybe he'll even say it back. Feels good, right?
Smarty Pants
Our jobs — not to mention our kids — can make us all feel a little like we're not at our smartest, at times. So it's nice to remind our spouse or partner how bright she is and how much we admire her for that quality. Chances are, it's been ages since someone said so.
Face Time
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and strong couples are quick to let one another know when the other is missed. So when the hubs is on a business trip, or the lady love is busy balancing work and the kids, make sure to say, "I miss you." Every partner is thrilled to hear it when she's being missed.
Spending Time
Even though we absolutely love spending time together with our partner, that doesn't mean our other half doesn't still love to hear how much we love to spend time together. It's easy to say, and the words mean so much — why not let him know in words as well as actions?
Hello, Beautiful!
Everyone should find their partner beautiful, right? Whether we choose to find a particular part of his physical and emotional self to compliment, or we just want to tell him he is gorgeous and we adore him, reminding him that we see his beauty is always important.
Better Off
We may think it all the time, but when was the last time we actually remembered to tell our partner how much better life is with her in it? It may feel like we're stating the obvious, but we're actually building strength in our relationship. And that's never a bad thing.
I Believe
There's no better vote of confidence than that of a partner or spouse. Hearing one's partner say, "I believe in you," can be just the thing one needs to go conquer the world! And once we hear it, it makes us feel so strong and secure, knowing that our partner has our backs, no matter what.
First Place
The backbone of a strong relationship is making our partner a top priority in our lives. Letting her know she's incredibly important to us is so helpful in helping her feel secure — even if we're not always in a position to spend as much time as we like together.
