We all know that being a stay-at-home parent is a 24/7 job — whether we go to an office or not. But despite constantly being on duty and never, ever, getting a break, there are some people who don't think being a parent is "real" work. Unfortunately for one mom, her husband is one of those people, and she discovered this after he bristled at being called a stay-at-home dad in front of her parenting group.
The problem first started when the poster's husband changed his work hours and began hanging around the house more than usual.
In an anonymous Reddit thread, the mom explained that she recently started taking their 3-year-old son to a group meet-up of stay-at-home parents.Â
"Some of the parents are men and call themselves 'stay-at-home dads,'" she wrote, "but there's about two men and six women, so even they refer to it as 'SAHMs club.'"
Until a month ago, the poster's husband had been in a standard 9-to-5 job, but he recently made a career switch. Now, he works for a friend who lets him have more flexibility, better pay, and the opportunity to work from home so he can have more family time.
"His last job required him to always be in the office, eight hours a day, five days a week (plus commute) which meant that he wound up missing out on a lot of stuff," the mom wrote. "First words, first steps, etc. I did film them and send it to him, but it's not the same."
Her husband can now go into the office or choose to work from home, while she still works from home every day.
Last week, the mom hosted her group at their house while her husband happened to be working from home.
"We explained the new schedule and my friends congratulated him on his new job, commended him for wanting to spend more time with our son, and one of the other dads referred to him as a 'fellow stay-at-home dad,'" she wrote.
But her husband did not take kindly to the title.
"He got kind of defensive, saying 'no, I actually work,' and the other dad sensed something was up, apologized and changed the subject," she continued. "They still talked with him after that but it was a little tense."
Later that night, the poster brought up the awkward exchange to her husband, but he still bristled at the term "stay-at-home parent."
"My husband told me he thought of 'stay-at-home' as being derogatory and he's never thought of me as a 'stay-at-home' because I work," she said.
"I explained that about half the club still works, some from home, others part time, and it wasn't a bad thing to be a stay-at-home," she continued. "He just said he wasn't really into being called that, which I said was fair enough and that was the end of it."
Things are now totally weird between the couple, and the poster feels strange about her husband being anywhere near the group. In fact, it's gotten so awkward that when her husband recently asked her if she had plans for the day, she hesitated to tell him that her group was meeting at a kiddie pool.
Now, she's second-guessing herself and asking Reddit: Is she wrong for not inviting him?
Some people were certain that if dad doesn't respect stay-at-home parents, he doesn't need to know about the pool party.
Would he even have fun with a group of such slackers?Â
"I donât see why heâd even want to come when he has such a negative connotation with the concept of 'stay-at-home,'" one commenter wrote. "If he asks about it I would inquire whether or not he is actually interested in going. I would also tell him that he should keep his views to himself about stay-at-home parents and if he is incapable of that then he shouldnât come. No one needs him bringing negativity into the group."
"He's got some weird hang ups about what (a lot of) women do," another person wrote. "Staying at home is a full time job and over 40 hours and unpaid."
"This issue is so deep-seated that it effected his ability to socialize in a friendly manner," the person continued. "I think that's something that needs to be discussed before he can be around a group of people who bust their (expletive) for their kids."
"When someone vocally expresses their dislike of something they shouldnât be expected to be invited to that thing," someone else declared.
Others felt it was kind of wrong for the mom to hide her plans from her husband --regardless of his bad attitude.
Some people thought the poster would be at fault regardless of what her husband had said.
"YWBTA if you don't flat out communicate why you're choosing to go without him OR giving him an opportunity to come along under the condition he 'play nice' (for lack of better words)," one person wrote.
"Maybe you could explain things to him as you have here," another commenter added. "Sometimes we say things and donât realize how we actually sound. If he still comes off negatively to you, then maybe this is one club he should sit out."
"YWBTA for hiding plans or lying to your husband," a third person reasoned.
It seems to us that even if the poster did tell her husband about the group gathering, he may not have wanted to come. So she might as well bite the bullet and spill the beans — and then have a very honest conversation about what it really means to be a stay-at-home parent.
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