He believes you don't know he's doing it. But you see him do it. You hear it. And then … you smell it.
Maybe it's funny. Maybe it's not. Of course, you know it's just human — most people fart between 14 and 23 times per day. But the cultural norm is that we have all agreed to pretend that none of us ever do. With your husband, though, his blasé attitude toward this pretense has reached epic proportions.
You've laughed. You've called him out. You've evacuated the room. And you've pretended nothing happened. You've had time, after all, to try every possible response to his fart bombing.
But have you tried this amazing solution?
It's a fart candle with his name on it.
You are watching a movie, eating popcorn, and enjoying yourself when a noxious cloud creeps your way. Again!
That's OK. You have the solution now. This personalized candle ($25.95) has his name on it. The message says everything you need to say. Grab a lighter, light the candle, and get back to your movie. If he has a sense of humor, he's laughing. If he thought he was getting away with it, he knows he isn't.
Either way, problem solved.
The scents are amazing.
This isn't just a joke, though — this is a lovely poured soy candle that comes in a delicious selection of scents.
Mahogany Teakwood? Eucalyptus Spearmint? Moonlight Path? Toasted Pumpkin?
Any of these would be an improvement over Noxious Gas Cloud, right?
These make great gifts.
It might be too late for Christmas gifts (unless you pay for expedited shipping), but New Year's gifts are always welcome. Most likely, if you are quietly suffering from this problem, so is everyone else you know. Maybe keep one on hand for everyone in your bunco game or cocktail party circuit.
How hilarious would it be to pull one of these out the next time your brother, cousin, or neighbor is visiting? He might not find it immediately funny that you had a candle made with his name on it, but everyone else probably will.
Arm your kids.
Maybe it isn't your husband you should give this to — maybe it's the kids. Give them what they need to combat that noxious cloud on their own. It's all in the customization. Get creative!
Warning: This could backfire.
Remember! Everyone farts, so you are not exempt. Once you open this door, it might stay open. Perhaps one of your kids — or your husband — will sweetly offer you a gift, and you will find a lovely scented candle with the instructions to light when Mom farts.
Look on the bright side: These are wonderful, scented candles!
Psst: If you choose to purchase an item from this post, CafeMom may receive a small cut. Each item and price is up to date at the time of publication; however, an item may be sold out or the price may be different at a later date.
