There are a lot of rules for attending a wedding, and most of them center on etiquette that keeps the focus where it should be – on the happy couple. Several rules dictate the appropriate outfit to wear and what to avoid. Others center on the things you should say and not say at a wedding or the reception afterward.
Most people understand that guests can't wear white — that's only for the bride — and nothing should take the focus away from the reason people have gathered. That means no picking fights, no getting blackout drunk, and no personal news that could outshine the bride and groom.
One wedding guest took to the Reddit AITA community to ask an etiquette question and if she was in the wrong.
In Reddit's AITA community, a person (OP) was looking for advice on a situation that caused a rift between herself and her best friend. She starts off her question with some back history on her fertility struggles.
"My husband and I have been trying for a baby for over 5 years," OP wrote. "When we went to a fertility doctor, we were told my husband had a low sperm count. A few months later I was diagnosed with endometriosis, making our chances of natural conception incredibly low. We decided we were going to try for another year and then look into adoption. I found out in November that I'm pregnant and due in early August."
Her best friend got married in January, but OP says something happened at that time that's still causing concern months later.
"My best friend's wedding [w]as, as I said, in January," OP clarified before adding, "We have a big group of friends and we all live pretty far away from each other as well all went to university in different places and moved there."
"It's very rare we're all together and the news of my long awaited pregnancy was one I wanted to share in person and not over the phone," she admitted. "I didn't make a massive announcement, I simply just [told] people as I saw them. A lot of people knew we were struggling so wanted to see how we were getting on. It drew a bit of attention but nothing major."
The bride, her best friend, wasn't happy that OP chose that event to share her news.
"My best friend dragged me away towards the end of the night and said she was furious with me for making this night all about me," OP confessed. "I was apologetic but explained my reasoning and expected her to be happy for me. She was anything but and has made absolutely no effort with me since."
OP wanted to know if she was in the wrong in this situation -- and the community let her have the truth.
There was an overwhelming number of comments that pointed out the OP was in the wrong.
"YTA, you hijacked what's supposed to be their special day to make an announcement about you," the first commenter wrote.
"Lol sounds like the 'best friends' ship has sailed. Op is TA in a big big way," another person commented, referencing the amount of time it's been since the wedding.
Another commented with the understanding that OP likely didn't mean to harm her best friend, but she still did. "YTA here," the comment said. "I understand your reasoning, and I don't think you meant any harm, but it's pretty standard wediquette: you don't reveal big news at a wedding. An apology is in order."
People encouraged OP to apologize again to her best friend if she wants to make it up to her.
"YTA. For future reference, an apology is not an apology if it comes with excuses/justifications for the behavior," the comment said.
"Yeah, and a pretty lame excuse at that," another said, saying that the excuse was it "has to be in person." The person then offered this alternative: "Well then, OP can put together something rather than hijacking a once in a lifetime event that can take months of planning and crap loads of money!"
Another didn't buy OP's half-hearted apology at the time. "Flip off with that half-a–ed excuse. You knew d–n well that sharing your pregnancy announcement, especially after publicized struggles, would be a hugely notable announcement and therefore an a–hole move."
We should all learn from the mistake made by OP – don't take the attention away from the people celebrating their union.
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