Let's be honest: Liking every single one of your partner's friends isn't always in the cards. There's always that one (OK, maybe two) that gets on your nerves, wears out a welcome, or feels like a bad influence. But one man on Reddit says his bride-to-be has taken her misdirected anger for his friend too far — so far, in fact, that she wants him out of their wedding.
To give a bit of background, the man explained that he and his fiancée began dating two years ago and have been planning their wedding for months.
For starters, they picked out their bridal party — six bridesmaids for her and six groomsmen for him.
His side of the bridal party includes his brother, his two friends from college, and another three of his childhood friends. But it's one of these three friends, whose name is Archie, that his bride-to-be has a problem with.
The groom and his "best mate" Archie go WAY back.
They've been friends since they were toddlers, ever since they lived next door to one another, and have always been there for each other — especially when Archie came out as a trans man.
"He came out and started transitioning at 18," the Reddit poster explained. But throughout it all, the groom says he's "never been anything less than our bro and we've always loved and supported him cause he's our mate."
There is, however, one noteworthy thing that happened in their teens. Something the poster refers to as a small "caveat."
"Once, when we were 16 and very drunk at a house party, he and I hooked up," the groom explained. "This was before he was out and before I knew he was a bloke. I'm straight, so obviously now I know he's a fella I'd never do anything with him again and we really are just mates now."
In the groom's mind, it's all in the past and definitely not an issue. But the bride? She can't seem to get over it.
"My fiancée knows we hooked up that one time as kids, and she's furious that I've asked him to be a part of the wedding," the poster explained. "It's not just that she's mad, though. She's taken to actively misgendering Archie, asking why I want her to be a part of the wedding, saying maybe she should be the one I'm marrying if I'm so in love with her."
Yikes.
"She's told several people that I've asked my 'ex girlfriend' to be in the wedding but that I think it's okay because, and I quote 'she is pretending she's a man now,'" he continued.
Needless to say, this has caused some MAJOR tension between the couple. Perhaps more than the bride-to-be even realizes.
"I'm honestly so upset by this," the groom wrote. "I love Archie, of course I do, he's one of my best mates. But I'm not in love with him and never have been. I'm also utterly disgusted that she keeps misgendering him on purpose and talking s–t about him in general."
Most of all, it's making him completely reevaluate the woman he's about to marry.
"She's never given any indication she might be transphobic before, but this has made me see her in a totally new light," the man continued. "Would I be overreacting if I broke up with her and cancelled the wedding over this?"
Redditors were quick to jump in with their opinions -- many of which were in support of the groom.
"Your partner has revealed she is anti-trans and will not accept your friend as he is," one person wrote. "Personally I could not be in a relationship with someone who has a bigoted viewpoint. Can you spend your life with a bigot?"
"And do you want her to parent your kids with this mindset?" someone else added. "This isn't some random person on the news, this is an actual person standing in front of her? When people tell you who they are, listen."
"Red flags man, red flags everywhere," yet another person commented. "Intolerance: check. Insecurity: check. Immaturity: check. Bigotry: check. You don't want a lifetime of this drama. You have to pick and if it were me, I'd take my lifelong friend and move on."
Others, however, pointed out that they'd feel a little weird about a partner staying close friends with someone they hooked up with.
"Imagine if she banged some dude and they're still friends, then she said she wants him to be a groomsmen," one person said bluntly.
"You and Archie did sleep together and putting the transgender stuff aside I myself would be pretty uncomfortable with someone who slept with my soon to be husband in my wedding party," another person admitted. "I think she's very intimidated and acting out in a very unfair way. Maybe just speak to her and see exactly where this is stemming from … So hopefully talking and both of you allowing to understand the other would be a good way to start."
At the very least, people agreed that the bride was being unnecessarily harsh.
"The transphobia aside, she is being a real … not nice lady. And if this is how she behaves and you aren't able to have a real conversation about this and communicate what she's doing is wrong then I think that you're gonna have a lot of trouble with her later on down the line," one person observed.
"I don't think her transphobic comments are rooted in bigotry so much as in pettiness," the person continued. "I would be more concerned about the petty selfish behavior she's exhibiting than the transphobic commentary which I think are just a sort of 'lazy ignorance' more so than true hatefulness."
In the end, people urged the groom to speak to his bride -- but also think long and hard about their long-term compatibility.
"I think this is a good starting point to really think through and process if she is someone you can really marry for better or worse," one person wrote. "In marriage, you're going to see the good and bad sides of your spouse. It's just a matter of when. Nobody's perfect therefore your spouse needs to be someone you feel like you could be with even during their worse moments and vice versa.
"If this is something that you can't resolve or partially resolve, I would be a little worried," the commenter continued. "If you haven't done this yet, I would think about how you would feel if you were in her shoes (she hooked up drunkenly with one of her bridesmaids). I'm not saying that to justify her actions but it's a good exercise to practice in marriage and just in life in general IMO. Maybe she's transphobic, maybe she's intimidated, maybe she's embarrassed, idk.
Another person put it to him more plainly, writing this: "The way I look at it, usually the person who is putting you in the position to choose is not the one worth choosing."
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