A harsh reality for women is we are often sexualized at a young age and made to feel it's our fault. Don't believe me? Just consider the thousands of dress codes for schools banning tank tops in the warmer weather or leggings for being "too distracting." Instead of teaching young men to be respectful and practice restraint, we teach girls to cover up.
Unfortunately these incidents don't just occur in institutions. They also happen in our backyards — literally. Unfortunately for one young woman, it happened to her at a neighbor's pool party, and what's worse is her parents aren't on her side.
The 22-year-old girl says the incident occurred on Memorial Day when a few neighbors got together.
"A family friend/neighbor has a large backyard that they love to throw parties in," she began explaining in her Reddit post. "My family is pretty close with them and usually goes whenever there's a party. If I'm busy with something my parents don't care if I miss these events but if I don't have any plans they make me go with them and my younger siblings."
The woman claims that ever since she turned 20, the dads and neighbors at these get-togethers have become increasingly creepy.
"They sometimes make remarks about why I don't have a boyfriend and how they find it strange," she wrote. "Maybe it's not that weird but it kinda creeps me out. Or if I go grab a beer, they try to draw out convos about me being old enough to drink now or asking me about my alcohol preferences."
Regardless, something about these interactions began raising a red flag to her, and apparently, it came to a head on Memorial Day.
The woman said she was already having a "rough" day so she admits she was cagey, but at that party she felt particularly ogled.
"I was hanging out in the pool, and I went to get out because I had to pee," she wrote. "I felt eyes on me, like some of the men at this party were treating me like I was that girl in the pool scene in Fast Times. I had sunglasses on and ended up making eye contact with the house owner who seemed to space out with his eyes resting on me as I walked inside the house.
"After using the restroom and feeling very uncomfortable, I walked back home and changed out of the bikini I was wearing and put on the ugly one piece I had to wear in high school swim class."
When she returned, her mom mom waved her over to a group of neighbors and adults and asked her why she changed. She didn't hold back.
"I said something like 'I was feeling uncomfortable with all these men who are dads age staring at me' and an awkward silence filled the area."
The girl claims her mother began giving her the "Are you kidding me?" eyes, which prompted the young girl to ask why she was looking at her that way. The mom apologized to the other adults and the young woman walked away.
As she was sitting in the hot tub, her dad approached her and told her what she said made people uncomfortable and suggested she apologize.
Enraged, she snapped back at him.
"I barked at my dad loudly, and at this point people were looking at me. I yelled for him to 'Tell Mr. (Last name) to stop being a [expletive] pervert then.' At this point, the man who I name dropped's wife started yelling at me. Telling me I'm a little punk and I need more respect for my elders. And how disgusting it was of me to accuse people of that," she wrote.
"I just told her 'don't worry your husband wasn’t the only one who was staring, and I am very uncomfortable that the neighbors who knew me since I was a toddler now ogle over me in my swimsuit.'"
Apparently her comeback prompted one man to apologize (and "clarify") that he wasn't looking at her, but was sorry if she felt that way. She decided it was time to leave and so she left.
An hour or so later, her parents came home too.
Upon their arrival, they apparently berated her for embarrassing them and making the party awkward. Now the daughter wants to know: Did she take it too far at the party?
Some readers reassured her that she in no way overreacted.
"It's about time (TimesUP!) that women started calling out men for being creepy," one user wrote. "In the past, the woman was expected to ignore, pacify, overlook, and even control the situation while men were free to ogle. It's always been gross and unwanted but now it's OK to actually point that out rather than pretending you don't notice."
Others thought her story was shaky at best.
"If those men were leering and harassing you, you absolutely have the right to be p—ed off and call it out," wrote one reader, who added this:
"Men can be gross and it's not fair to you to have to put up with it. And in that case, your parents should back you up. But before you mess with someone's life by calling them out by name in front of everybody you better be absolutely sure that that's what they're doing. It sounds like, by your own admission, there was room for question about whether they were actually leering at you or not. By calling out one person in particular by name in a public place you made a very serious accusation. And trust me, you absolutely humiliated and hurt his wife."
The commenter went on to note that some people jump on the bandwagon of terrible accusations and can ruin lives while undermining serious accusations.
All in all, readers determined that if she truly felt uncomfortable, she did nothing wrong by speaking out.
Let's hope a real dialogue opens up between this young woman and her parents, and that her parents consider her point of view so they can have her back in the future if necessary.
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