No matter how close you are with your sibling, it's possible you'll fail to see eye to eye from time to time. And if the conflict should revolve around a major milestone, like say an engagement, things have a way of spiraling out of control. That's what one Redditor, posting in the Am I the A–hole subreddit, learned recently when she decided to throw a wet blanket on her sister's proposal, convinced she was just "trying to help."
The woman explained that her sister Hannah is newly engaged to Ben, her boyfriend of many years.
Ben is "the only boyfriend she's ever had so she tends to take his word as the gospel truth," shared the OP, who has "always been suspicious of Ben, as I tend to be of all people, to be fair."
She explained that she and her older sister also have "very different world views." "I've had quite a few boyfriends and one girlfriend," noted the OP. "I believe in sexual freedom and exploring yourself and your sexuality. Hannah only knows Ben."
Recently, the family got together for a small gathering in her sister's garden, and Ben got down on one knee.
"At first, I was super excited for them but then I saw the ring," recalled the OP. She recognized it from Etsy.
"Hannah had hinted that her and Ben were discussing tying the knot, and we discussed rings at length," noted the OP.
"I went online to search for the type of rings she said she was interested in and happened across a very unique and pretty ring on Etsy, but it had a fake middle stone, i.e. lab created diamond set between two tiny opal colored stones. The band was really dainty but kind of intertwined around in a teeny rope."
The OP asserted that the "going rule" for engagement rings is that "they are supposed to last forever and be at least 3 to 4 months' pay."
"Ben works a good paying job but brings in slightly less than Hannah," wrote the OP. "Four months wages for him would be at least 8 to 10K at an estimate."
And she knew that this particular ring cost $450. So when the proposal was over, she explained the situation to her sister. "I accused Ben of trying to cheap out on one of the most important gifts of her entire life," the OP recalled.
Unsurprisingly, her sister "burst into tears" and told her that she had given Ben a $400 budget and that she didn't even want a real diamond.
"I was completely shocked that she would request this and was pretty certain she was just covering for Ben," noted the OP. "But she doubled down and said that she has so far lost every single piece of jewelry she's bought and that she wanted to buy something that won't be a devastating loss if she loses it. She also claimed that they both wanted a long and expensive honeymoon instead of a big wedding."
With her sister "crying loudly" at this point, the OP decided to leave.
"I thought I was doing my sister a sisterly duty by pointing out the fake ring and my entire family have in turn called me an a–hole, but I honestly think I was just trying to help her," the woman shared.
She then turned it over to Reddit to ask if the community thought she screwed up.
Commenters unequivocally agreed that the OP was the jerk of the day.
"Your sister and her fiancé sound like reasonable people," wrote one Redditor. "The idea of spending several months' pay on a wedding ring is a marketing scheme created by the companies selling the rings to get gullible idiots to buy more expensive jewelry. Most people don't fall for it. The important part of the engagement is the commitment to each other, not the jewelry. It sounds like your sister and fiancé get that. Maybe some day, if you're lucky, you'll find someone more important to you than jewelry."
A second commenter noted, "Unless you're the one being proposed to, the ring is absolutely-f—ing-lutely none of your business. Way to ruin a special moment because of your own ridiculous and outdated ideals."
A third railed into the OP, writing, "I know very few people with 'three months salary' wedding/engagement rings. Those I know that do typically don't wear their expensive ring daily and have a less expensive one they wear everyday. It's an old standard that was invented by jewelers to see high end rings."
The person continued, "It's not like her fiancé bought a $20 ring; $450 is a good chunk of money to spend on jewelry. He wasn't being cheap, he was honoring your sister's wishes and saving money for their future. Either way, it was none of your business to call out the quality of the ring to your sister."
And another commenter explained that it's not out of the question to be financially responsible about engagement bling, noting, "Your sister didn't double down to save face; I had similar requirements for my fiancé, because I don't want to walk around with a $30K ring on my finger. Your sister sounds like she has different priorities in life, like actually living life and not being super materialistic."
The bottom line: The OP was thoroughly out of line.
As one commenter summed it up: "You should apologize and honestly do some self-reflection. You said it yourself, you found the ring because you were looking at what your sister would like. If you actually care about her, go try to unburn those bridges you just exploded."
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