The death of a loved one is always sad, but people experience grief in a variety of ways. And even though someone has died, it doesn't turn them into some sort of saintly figure. One man is having to grapple with that as he recently lost a brother he wasn't particularly close to.
Only now, his whole family, including his wife, is committed to honor his dying wish and getting a tattoo to remember him by … but he doesn't want to.
Though he's sorry that his brother is gone for the sake of his brother's wife, kids, and his family, the man says his death just hasn't "moved" him.
"I am just going to be honest and admit that we didn't really get along," he wrote. "I don't think he was a bad person. He had many friends and was close to almost everyone in our family, but for whatever reason we never saw eye to eye and we weren't what I would consider friends. I would see him at family events and make nice if our paths crossed but otherwise I never saw him or spoke to him, and the same was true for him. And we were fine with things being that way. If the situation here was reversed I think he would have had the same reservations I have because he didn't view me as a friend either."
While the man is totally entitled to his feelings, he says it's now putting him in an awkward situation with his family.
"My whole family (mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother, and my wife) have all agreed to get tattoos honoring my brother and to fulfill his last request which was for our family to do something so we won't forget him," he wrote "It will be small with his initials, DOB, DOD, and possibly a heart or something else."
Now that the family has landed on this as a way to remember him, the man is now in a truly tough spot.
"I tried to avoid confrontation as long as I could because I figured no one would understand my resistance, and I was right," he wrote. "I have gotten a lot of strong reactions from my family ranging from anger to confusion over why I just won't do to keep the peace. What makes this harder is that my mom who hates tattoos has even agreed to do it, so everyone thinks that if even she will do it then I should suck it up and get the tattoo."
When it comes down to it, he just feels really uncomfortable getting the memorial tattoo done.
"It may make me an [expletive] to admit it, but if I ever did get a tattoo to honor someone my brother would not be that person," he candidly said. "I really don't care to have a reminder of someone I didn't like all that much permanently on my body."
People backed him up wholeheartedly, citing his body, his rules.
"Personally, I wouldn't do it," agreed one used. "I have a lot of tattoos but if I wasn't close with someone in my family, I definitely wouldn't get a tattoo to remember them. In the end, it's your body and your choice to get it or not."
"You should not have to permanently mark your brother's death on your person, stand firm, wish them well with their grieving and their group decision but tell them you won't be getting inked with them and they cannot make that decision on your behalf," coached another.
And in the end, they're right: No one can force anyone to so something with their body they aren't comfortable doing.
