Abusive behaviors come in many different forms, but few realize that tampering with your partner's ability to control their own reproductive health is considered abuse. Things like poking holes in a condom aren't just sneaky ways have a baby, but are real ways to manipulate or force your partner into a situation they didn't want to be in. One woman on Reddit recently found out that her husband did exactly this, and the fallout from learning that he messed with their birth control has her heartbroken and unsure of what to do next.
The 24-year-old is mom to a newborn and the wife of a 30-year-old man.
She wrote in to the r/relationship_advice forum looking for advice on how to handle his incredible betrayal.
"My husband admitted to wanting a child knowing I didn't, so he poked holes in his condoms hoping to get me pregnant," she wrote.
Of course, back when she found out she was pregnant, he claimed that it was "meant to be."
After all, hadn't they taken every possible precaution?
The mom even wanted to terminate her pregnancy.
But her husband refused and told her that "I'm not killing his child."
The truth is that the mom is horrified by what she's learned.
She cried after he confessed to messing with their condom.
"He put me through so much pain during the pregnancy and risked my life(almost bled out) instead of finding someone who wants kids," she continued.
Now she's looking for some help.
"I'm not sure what to do, I need advice," she wrote.
Not only was this disrespectful, some people have another word for what he'd done.
"Birth control sabotage is a form of reproductive coercion, which is ABUSE," one commenter explained.
"Also if taking off a condom without the woman's consent is considered rape, then intentionally putting holes in the condom should be held at the same standard," someone else added.
"This is a form of sexual assault and domestic violence called reproductive coercion. Google it. There are tons of resources," someone else explained.
"Get evidence," the commenter continued. "Find out what the laws in your country/state are around it and if you are able to, press charges. Even if you can't press charges get a divorce."
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, "Reproductive and sexual coercion involves behavior intended to maintain power and control in a relationship related to reproductive health by someone who is, was, or wishes to be involved in an intimate or dating relationship with an adult or adolescent."
"This behavior includes explicit attempts to impregnate a partner against her will, control outcomes of a pregnancy, coerce a partner to have unprotected sex, and interfere with contraceptive methods," the website states.
Although legally the act may not be considered sexual assault or rape, it still is horrible and needs to be part of our conversation about abuse. The mom is not at fault for being horrified and now that she knows the truth, she needs to take every precaution to protect herself against a man she can clearly no longer trust.
If you or someone you know believes they were the victim of reproductive coercion, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224. They're open 24/7 and if you are unable to freely speak to a representative without fear for your safety, text LOVIES to 22522 or log on to thehotline.org.
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