Women are taught to have a "what if" fund. Although many of us never have an intention of leaving a spouse or significant other, we've heard so many horror stories about women who get trapped in physically or financially abusive relationships where having an out could have been literally life saving.
A husband recently discovered his wife's "what if" fund and is now considering divorce.
The husband took to Reddit after combing through his family financials and noticing unfamiliar paperwork.
After going through financial documents because something was "wrong," he saw that she'd been "hiding" money from him in a different account.
"It opened up 4 years ago, and she’s been auto depositing 10% of her income every year," he shared. "She's saying it's a completely healthy thing to do especially for women. She says that she wants to be secured if something happened to me or if I started abusing her."
However, the husband doesn't see this act as logical -- at all.
"I find that extremely illogical and that it's pretty bad that she's been lying this whole time," he confessed. "She's been hiding $25k dollars from me. I put my money into our joint account, since we both agreed to merge our finances. She's now saying that I can also put 10% of my income every year into my own account."
The offer to have him start putting away 10% of his income was not good enough for him, though.
"I then threatened to take 40% of my income(4 years times 10%) and put it into a separate account just for me," he wrote.
"She's now saying that’s financial abuse and called me an [expletive] if I did that. I honestly don't see what she's thinking. She put 40% of her income and it's been accruing interest. She's now staying at a friends house. Most of my friends think I'm in the right, but I don't know at this point."
One female commenter said no one was wrong here for any of the feelings.
"It is extremely good advice for women to have an account like the one your wife has," wrote one Redditor. "Especially if the women has less money or makes less than her partner. No one plans on dating, living with or marrying someone abusive but it happens so so often with terrible results. You think of yourself as the good guy who would never hurt his wife and feel personally attacked. She’s worried you might try to kill her one day."
The woman continued, "This is a fear women have to live with. It's just life for us. ( Not to say others can't live in fear or that all women do — but it is super common for us to). I think she's right to have an account. Maybe you opening up an account isn't such a bad idea. 40% would be a pretty big chunk of your joint income though. Maybe try 15-20 until you've caught up?"
The woman concluded: "She feels exposed and probably a little guilty. You feel insulted. Take a step back, take a deep breath and work on this. Together."
One commenter, who identified as a male, thought the husband was being particularly irrational.
"I have to ask, what prompted the sudden microscope analysis of your wife's finances. She's been saving some of HER money, she still puts 90% of it into the joint account, which is more than reasonable, most couples with joint finances do not put in 100%. H–l in many single income families the breadwinner doesn't do that… The fact she has saved $25k shows restraint and good financial sense. Its not like she was spending it on hookers and blow," the man wrote.
"Lets flip it around do you put 100% of your money in? Can your wife see everything you spend your money on, every coffee, every lunch, every present, toy or tool that you buy? My guess is no," he continued. "Think of everyone you know, how many couple have broken up, who was left with the biggest financial burden, who had to take care of the kids? It's normally the wife, I know it was when my parents divorced. All she is doing is some budgeting and risk management. Some would call this business continuity or disaster recovery planning."
However, there were a few that totally took his side.
"You're missing the part where they both agreed to share all their money, but she lied and didn't do that," wrote another user. "Okay, fine. But fair's fair, if it's okay for her to do that secretly, then surely it's okay for him to do that while being completely honest about it. He should be able to put aside a higher percentage until he at least catches up a little compared to her, otherwise she's sitting on a giant pile of what was supposed to be shared money while he has almost nothing."
Sadly, the husband updated his post with some bad news.
"She texted me with some uncomfortable news," he added. "She thinks our relationship can't work because she feels I'm 'abusive.' I'm not going to update anymore."
Hopefully if divorce is truly the avenue they are taking, it can be done as amicably as possible.
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