Women of color are still dealing with backhanded beauty compliments in 2017, so before we close out the year — why don't we have a run-down of the faux-sweet comments we hear?
"You're pretty for a dark-skinned girl."
This is old as dirt and tired as hell.
"Pretty for a dark-skinned girl" suggests she comes second to light-skinned women and/or she's just one of the dark-skinned women who got "lucky." Being beautiful and dark-skinned has never been an anomaly.
Dark skin is as beautiful as fairer skin. Period.
"Your hair looks so pretty. Is it all yours!?"
This is offensive for a few reasons.
People seem more prone to assume a Black women is wearing weave whenever her hair is longer than shoulder-length, or appears to be super full.
Few white women get asked about their hair being real. People mostly assume it's all their hair unless otherwise informed.
For clarity, Black women *do* wear weave. We also wear our REAL hair, which is capable of growing long, healthy, and full.
More clarity: White women and women of other races *also* wear weave — A LOT. There are whole hair salons dedicated to providing extensions in the form of clip-ins, sew-ins, and whatever else. Women who aren't Black just don't get called out or questioned about their weave as often.
Stop questioning *all* women about their hair being real or fake. It's not your business. The information won't write you any checks or hug you at night. If a woman wants you to know more details about her hair, she'll provide them. Worry about your own scalp.
"You have a really nice grade of hair."
Just stop it. Complimenting one grade of hair while suggesting another hair type *isn't* nice is rooted in Eurocentrism.
The people who get this compliment are often those with looser, wavier curl patterns — aka patterns closer to straight and silky than kinkier textures.
All hair is nice, period.
"Natural hair looks good but it's not for everybody."
Full stop.
No one ever says, "Straight hair isn't for everybody" or "Long hair isn't for everybody." These comments position natural hair as an undesirable hairstyle that only *some* people can get away with.
Many people who say this have seen natural hairstyles they disliked or have possibly gone natural before but didn't enjoy the process. That's on them.
Find the hair style and ROUTINE that works for your natural hair and it IS for you. End of story.
"She looks nice but she's no Beyoncé."
You're right. That woman isn't Beyoncé and she's not supposed to be. Beyoncé — as blessed and wonderful as she is — is not the ultimate measure of beauty.
"You're so beautiful. What are you mixed with?"
Black women do not have to be of mixed race to be beautiful. Stop assuming that about the ones you find attractive.
"Omg! You look just like... *any Black celebrity, whether you look like them or not.*
Don't just link one person of color to any other person of color just because. We do not all look alike. Just say, "You're beautiful" and move along.
"Red lipstick doesn't usually look good on dark-skinned girls, but it looks nice on you."
Sigh. Just say less, OK?
"I love it when you wear your hair like this," on the one day you decide to wear your curly hair straight.
If you've never complimented my hair when I've worn it natural, and suddenly find it sooo beautiful the day it's straight, then your opinion is a waste of time and space.
Keep it.
"Your hair looks good... but are you going to straighten it?"
Only when and *if* I feel like it, but it's not your concern.
"OMG, you cut your hair! It looks so good without a weave" — when it's literally just not blown out.
PSA: Natural hair shrinks. It can be blown or stretched out with dryers, braids, twists, etc… The tighter the curls or kinks, the more dramatic the difference will be.
So no, women of color are not cutting their hair and growing it back in three days and cutting it again.
It's shrinkage, people.
