If you think weddings are all about the dress, the cake, and the venue, well, unfortunately youâre only half right. The day is also usually all about D-R-A-M-A and one bride-to-be has had no shortage of it. She recently wrote to Redditâs Am I the A–hole forum looking for advice on how to handle two specific issues sheâs having with her best friends (and bridesmaids).
The Original Poster explained that she's having a smallish wedding.
They are only inviting 30 people or so, she shared in her post, but sheâs having a big problem with her two former roommates from college â âCarlaâ and âSally.â
Carla got married six months ago and Sally recently warned the OP that Carla planned to wear her reception dress to the OPâs big day. Although the OP did say her bridesmaids could pick their own dresses, she didnât quite mean like this.
âIt's quite glamorous and bridal too,â the bride explained. âI have picked a very simple wedding dress for myself â it's expensive and I look great in it but it doesn't have all that glitz!â
âI understand that Carla too had a COVID wedding and not a lot of people got to see her dresses but still! However Sally did offer to talk Carla out of it, if I want,â she added.
The problem is that OP has a problem with Sally, too.
Sally is dating a guy âand he sounds like a total waste of time from the things we've heard about him from Sally herself.â
The OP really doesnât want Sally to bring her new BF to her wedding, so âI did tell her that I'll have to check a few things and get backâ when Sally asked.
âAgain, it's a small wedding,â she wrote. âNobody has met him before. It will not only infuriate my family but also my fiance and his family if a total stranger is there while a lot of close relatives could not be invited.â
So now the OP is in a pretty big bind.
âShould I let Sally talk to Carla about the dress?â she asked. âI can't talk to Carla directly because she hasn't told me anything on this.
âShould I ask for Carla's support to tell Sally she shouldn't bring a stranger to my intimate wedding? I know Carla doesn't like him either and he wasn't invited to her wedding! (which probably caused her to ask me for an invitation for him),â she continued.
âI feel like I'm not only about to get into fights with my friends, but also might cause a tiff between them,â she explained. âAm I overthinking? Should I just let them do what they want to? That seems like the only non-confrontational way out. I really don't want to be a bridezilla.â
People had a lot of thoughts about the situation.
"I donât think youâre being a bridezilla but I do think you need to speak to them each separately," one commenter advised. "I know having difficult conversations isnât nice, but youâve rationally and politely explained each of your problems to us, you can absolutely do that to your two best friends.
"It could quite easily go sour if you try and get each of them to do your dirty work and they find out," the person continued. "If I were you Iâd sit each of them down (separately) and explain your reasons. Theyâre your friends, they want you to be happy."
"I don't think you're being a bridezilla but don't see how one has to do with the other. Both situations seem unacceptable to me. Talk to each friend and resolve it," another commenter chimed in.
"If it were me I would send a group text to everyone clarifying the dress code, donât say [wear] whatever, have some rules," a third commenter explained. "If you donât want Sally to bring her guest then say due to our numbers we canât accommodate another body or whatever. If sheâs travelling far she may hate this but up to you. Also I think itâs a little over the top it will infuriate your family who you invite though lol like they can chill, you and your fiancĂ©âs decision."
It's never fun to have hard conversations with friends, but the OP needs to bite the bullet and do it â or else she's going to have a bigger problem on her hands later on.
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