Just when you thought that fashion couldn't get more ridiculous, it goes ahead and proves you wrong.
Today in absolutely absurd style items: A plastic glitter penis bikini. It exists, and the internet is having some FEELINGS about it.
Just a note before we proceed — though there's no actual nudity in this post, it's not exactly what you'd call safe for work. Scroll with caution, everyone.
This is the dickini, designed by ~scandalous~ fashion powerhouse Namilia and sold by Dollskill.
This top is made of sparkly plastic, costs $136 of actual human money, and… well, I am just going to copy the product description from Dollskill:
"Namilia Glitter Dickini will get your aura pumpin’. This freaky lil top has sum sparkly dix that are lookin’ hella fancy ridin’ on rainbowz with a dope 3D glitter effect and elastic around tha neck and back with a bikini hook closure."
I am… gonna need a minute to sit with this.
But it turns out that there's a literal RAINBOW of glitter dikinis for you to choose from — if you're willing to spend a little more.
Are you into tassles with yr testicles? There's a beaded burlesque dickini PERFECT for you.
(€180.00, Namilia)
And if the word "extra" doesn't belong in your vocabulary, there's also a charmingly understated (lol) leather bondage dickini... with chains.
(€225, Namilia)
As you might expect of two ding-a-lings on a string, the dickini has generated STRONG feelings on social media.
It may also be "the worst product in the entire world."
But Cardi B, possibly the most famous fan of the dickini, has some words for the haters.
WTF indeed.
Many simply CANNOT with the idea of a wang on your boobs.
But other people are feeling the dick bikini, and YES I meant that.
But the fact that the dickini comes in multiple colors is a selling point to many.
And if a string dickini isn't your speed, you could always get penis-lace shorts. That's right: actual lace made out of embroidered weiners.
For €450, these faux leather, peen lace-edged shorts COULD BE YOURS. Will wonders never cease.
Check out Namilia's entire line of dickinis — if you dare.
In the meantime, please join me in wondering where my labia bikini is.
