Even the most amicable of divorces have their hardships, and truthfully sometimes they aren't even a former partner's fault. It may have everything to do with the new person.
At least, that's the case for one mom on Reddit who had always gotten along with her ex and his new wife, until the new wife made a rather insistent demand.
The woman began by explaining that she and her ex have been divorced for 12 years.
"We have two children and share custody," she explained. "We have a great coparenting relationship and have had zero issues with anything since our divorce. My ex met his now wife five years ago and we get along good as well. She is a good stepmom to my children and she treats them like they are her own. I have remained single by choice because I spend most of my time at work or with my children. I date occasionally but I am not looking for anything serious."
A few weeks ago, her ex and his new wife were officially hitched, and the mom says she couldn't be happier.
That was until she got this text message from her ex's new bride.
"Her: So I think now that me and (ex) are married you should change your name. After all there can be only one Mrs. (exes last name). (Smiley emoji)
Me: Hi (wife’s name). I hope you are both doing well. I’m a little confused as to why I would need to change my name.
Her: Because we are married now and I’m his wife. I should be the only one with his last name.
Me: Ex and I have not been married for over 12 years. The reason I did not change my name is due to all my professional certifications and licenses. Ex and I agreed when we got divorced that it was too much of a hassle to change everything and I would keep my last name the same to avoid the stress and headache of having to do that.
Her: Well that changes now. You WILL change your name immediately."
Unsure of how to respond to the last demand, the mom says she "walked away "from the conversation.
Ten minutes later, her ex called her, demanding to know why his new wife was so upset.
"I sent him screenshots of the texts and my replies and told him that this entire conversation is ridiculous and immature," she wrote.
"He told me that maybe I should just change my name so he doesn’t have to deal with the drama. I told him I refuse. I said that again we agreed during the divorce I wouldn’t change my name, and even if I wanted to, most of the state offices and courts are closed where we live and it would be near impossible to do."
The mom reminded him they have been divorced for 12 years and she has no romantic feelings about him. Keeping the name is a matter of convenience.
She also noted that the only reason she keeps in touch with him is because of her children.
"I told him that they are our priority and we need to all get along to raise them as good coparents," she wrote. "I told him that changing my name won’t make me any less my kids mother or his ex wife and that unfortunately new wife needs to deal with it. He told me I was making his life difficult and wishes I would reconsider."
Now she wants to know: Is she wrong for not wanting to change her name?
People assured her that the new bride is the one in the wrong.
"Besides you, your ex, and his new wife, is there anyone else in the world with this last name," one user retorted. "I can't imagine that she truly expects to be the only person with that name…"
"…it's not on you to manage his relationship with her," another person commented. "He's completely misplacing the responsibility for the conflict. SHE'S making his life difficult, you're just the target."
And others noted that their loved ones who were divorced did the same thing.
"My mom kept her (my dad's) last name when they divorced," offered one user. "Like you, she kept it for professional reasons but also because of me. She said it was just easier to pick me up, sign me up for things, anything related to me if she had the same last name as me."
The woman happily updated that she wouldn't be backing down from this issue.
"My children and I all have the same last name and that is again a reason I don’t want to change it," she confessed. "While our oldest no longer lives at home (he’s in the army) my youngest and I make frequent trips overseas to visit him whenever possible. So having the same name on our passports is easier.
"I also looked into the time and cost to do the name change last night. I would have to have a formal court hearing with a judge and have a signed and sealed decree to change it at DMV and social security. The courts here are closed due to obvious reasons and are only hearing emergent matters. So my name change would be delayed. Not to mention the cost of this will be in the thousands and that includes the reprinting of all my degrees and certifications, new office letterheads, business cards, updating to the state list for my profession and my malpractice insurance," she continued.
"This will not be an easy process. I think I am going to address this with my ex husband in a few weeks when all parties have had a chance to calm down and reflect a little. I think that there may be some underlying issue at play."
We think she's handling this like a rock star. Good luck, mama.
