If you've been thinking about getting a pet, this weekend is the time to do it. February 12 through 14 is National Adoption Weekend, with many shelters and adoption agencies making it especially easy to bring home a four-legged friend.
I'm a big advocate for pet adoption: Four years ago, I adopted my dog, Oliver Beans, from a shelter in Chicago. He changed my life in so many awesome ways, and all animals deserve to have a safe, happy home with people who love them.
That said, before you bring home that adorable shelter puppy, there are a few things that nobody will tell you.
You may have to deal with some issues.
Rescue animals are not defective by any means, but animals that come from bad situations often have some residual issues — and you need to be ready for that.
When I adopted Oliver, he had come from a really bad situation: he'd been abused by his previous owners, then thrown out of a moving car onto a busy road. He had major emotional and behavioral issues, some of which the shelter told me about, and some which were a surprise. He was my first dog; I didn't know how to handle his fear and aggression. I didn't even know where to start.
When you adopt an animal, even if you think you have a decent idea of their history, you need to be PREPARED for some work. It's worth it, but seriously. Know that it could be coming.
You will learn how much a dog can sleep.
I thought that cats slept a lot, whereas dogs needed to be constantly entertained. I was wrong. Dogs sleep like 18 hours a day. Hey, being super-cute is tiring!
Your life will change in the weirdest ways.
People always talk about how having a pet turns your life on its head, and it's true. There are the expected things to get used to, like having to go outside in the rain so your dog can pee. But there are also the unexpected changes, like you have to buy a Roomba because your entire life is suddenly covered with hair, but then you can only schedule the Roomba for when you're out walking the dog, because he's scared of it.
Or you develop really strident opinions about the best airlines, based solely on the size of carrier they allow in the cabin, and how much you'll have to drug your dog to get him into said carrier.
Or you work out how to burglar-proof your pantry because your dog learned to open the FIRST set of child-proofing that you installed, then ate an entire box of cereal and a box of tinfoil. These are not dogless-person problems!
You will develop Dog Radar.
Dogs are gross. We love them, but they're little trash-monsters with zero self-preservation who will eat, chase, or roll in anything. And it doesn't take long before you develop The Radar — the advanced ability to spot rotting food on the sidewalk, squirrels at a distance, and otherwise gross things that your dog might try to play in.
Your dogless friends will marvel as you spot that decomposing chicken bone from three blocks away and expertly steer your pup away from it. Truly, Dog Radar is a gift — and it will be bestowed upon you with time.
You will start talking a lot about poop.
I once judged parents for talking so much about their kids' shit. Not anymore. Oliver was sick recently, and I have talked so much about his diarrhea it is UNREAL. I just can't stop myself; it is the number one thing on my mind, and so I just can't stop talking about number two.
Don't think you will escape this when you get a dog. IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU.
Your dog will influence your love life.
Say goodbye to spontaneously going home with people, because you have to walk your dog before they go to bed! Also say goodbye to getting mad drunk with the hot guy from the seventh floor, because walking a happy dog while hungover at 6 am is its own circle of hell! And if you're dating, expect a lot of people to tell you that they don't date girls with dogs, because it's "too much commitment."
But you know what? That's OK! Because having a dog is like having a really cuddly shitbag detector. If someone won't date a person who has to walk a dog, how the hell would they handle the real challenges of a relationship? EXACTLY.
Training never ends.
When I adopted Oliver, I honestly thought that once a dog was trained, that was it. Like, they'd know how to sit and shake, and then you'd be done. Right?
Wrong. So wrong.
Training a dog never, ever stops. I work with Oliver on polite walking every day. We have to work on not barking at the door all the time. Sometimes we go back to the whole "don't pick fights with men if they're just walking past us on the street" thing, and it's fine. You and your dog are a team, and that means working together.
You also need to be trained, by the way, because you have to communicate in a way that your dog will understand — and that's harder than you think. It took me a really long time to learn that my body language was influencing the way Oliver reacted to other dogs, and once I did, I really had to work to correct that in myself. I still work on this almost every day. But like I said, we're a team. That's what you do when you're on a team.
It's worth it.
I adopted Oliver when my entire life had fallen down around my ears, and for the first six months that I had him, I barely slept. I had the hardest time even walking him, because he was scared of — and angry about — everything. But slowly, he calmed down. He learned he was safe with me. And now, I'm proud to say that he's a happy, confident little guy. He's come so far, and I'm so proud of him.
But he's done more for me. I am, without a doubt, a better person for having Oliver in my life. He's taught me how to love things other than myself, and how to accept that love in return. He's smoothed away a lot of my sharper, more anxious edges. And I know that without my dog teaching me about patience and kindness, I wouldn't be in the wonderful (human) relationship I'm in today.
So if you're wondering whether you should adopt a dog today, you should. Your life will be more fun, more crazy, and all-over better than you can possibly imagine.
