Birthdays that end in “5” or “0” are a big deal once a person reaches adulthood. At the same time, revealing a pregnancy also is a huge family milestone. But what happens when a sibling and their significant other want to announce their pregnancy at your 30th birthday party?
That’s exactly what happened to one Reddit user in the AITA subreddit. Recently, she detailed how she canceled her birthday dinner after her brother asked if they could do a reveal at the event. Now, they’re mad at her for sharing her anger and frustration over them even requesting to make the announcement in the first place.
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A Redditor explained that her brother and sister-in-law asked her if they could announce their pregnancy at her birthday party.
In the thread in the Am I the A–hole subreddit, a woman detailed the drama surrounding her upcoming 30th birthday party.
“This afternoon, my brother & SIL called me to tell me that they were pregnant. I was ecstatic for them & asked them all the usual questions,” she wrote in a since-deleted post. “Then they asked me if I would be okay with them telling my parents at my birthday dinner tonight. They said that my SIL had been very sick, which I empathise with, and wouldn’t be drinking, so it would be easier to tell them. But if I said no, then they would tell them at another event (that’s about them) in a few weeks.”
She told them she wasn't comfortable with having their reveal at her party.
The original poster, aka OP, told her brother and SIL that she preferred they didn’t tell their parents at her birthday dinner.
“They were understanding,” she explained. “But when I said that I felt like they’d put me in a difficult spot & really shouldn’t have asked in the first place, they were defensive and angry.”
The OP continued, “They implied that I should feel grateful that they were considerate enough to ask me in the first place. My SIL yelled at me a bit. The call ended badly & I was more upset than I was in the first place.”
The OP then canceled the birthday dinner.
“This put me in a really bad mood & trying to pretend to be upbeat while at dinner with them was not appealing, so I contacted my parents to postpone the dinner,” the upset birthday girl detailed. “They wanted to know why, which I couldn’t tell them, & let me know there would be a substantial fee for canceling. They were frustrated because I wouldn’t tell them why I was upset. I said I’d call the restaurant and sort it out, which I did.”
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Now everyone is mad at her, and she has no party on her birthday.
After postponing the party, the OP said she called her brother to speak with just him.
“I told him how I felt, & asked him if he would even consider asking someone that if it was their engagement dinner?” she recounted. “He paused for a long time & said that he would if there were mitigating circumstances, such as his wife being ill.”
The OP also asked her brother why they couldn’t have waited to announce the pregnancy until literally next day instead of that night at her birthday dinner.
“He couldn’t really give me a straight answer, but said that they weren’t expecting me to be upset about asking,” she shared. “I said I understood they were surprised, but they yelled at me, didn’t apologise and dinner is ruined anyway, to which he did apologise.”
She concluded, “Because of my brother’s work, we can’t do the dinner until well after my actual birthday now, so now the whole thing feels redundant.”
Redditors were divided about whether she was being a jerk in this situation.
Although many people declared that the OP was the a–hole, others defended her and decided she was not.
One commenter thought she was in the wrong: “Ehhh they asked in advance, no harm no foul. They accepted your decision, but you made this into a huge issue when it was not. Literally nothing. We always say, what’s the harm in asking, the worst they can say is no. Is saying no so intensely difficult that you let this query ruin your birthday?”
Another commented that ESH, or everyone sucks here. “Your brother and sister in law shouldnt have blown up at you when you said their request upset you. BUT they did ask you first and seemed okay with postponing the announcement,” the person wrote. “You sound like you are 12, not coming up for 30. It’s a meal, who cares? The birthday princess thing is for tweens.”
Yet another Redditor shared, “BIL & SIL could have waited and not even say anything to OP or the rest of the family for another day or two.”
Someone else commented in general, she wasn’t being a jerk because “that was your celebration and they should not have tried to usurp it with their news. They asked and you said no.” But the person added that she was being an a–hole to herself “for getting that upset about it to the point you postponed and let it ruin your birthday celebration.”
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