All one Redditor wanted to do was perform one good deed for a friend, but now the woman is embroiled in a big, huge mess. Three years after her engagement ended, the person thought it was a-OK to donate her engagement ring to a pal running a charity auction — but ever since the ex-fiancé found out the news, he's been absolutely livid.
Trouble started when the Original Poster’s friend was looking for donations to build an orphanage in his home country.
So the OP had a great idea — donate an engagement ring “that is very beautiful but holds painful memories for me,” she wrote in Reddit's Am I the Asshole forum. Before they donated it, however, they wanted to get permission from their ex.
“I’ve contacted him multiple times in the past asking him to either take it, to give me his new address so I can send it to him or to agree to me selling it,” they wrote. “He hasn’t responded to any of these requests so after 3 years I finally decided to get rid of it by donating it to the fundraiser.”
The OP tried just one more time to reach out to the ex — but still there were crickets.
So she decided it was fine to give away.
“I even sent my ex a confirmation text to let him know I no longer had the ring, this was a few weeks ago and he never responded,” the OP wrote.
The OP thought the whole thing was done and dusted, until the ex showed up at her house absolutely ticked.
“I was shocked to see him, and I kept asking him who gave him my address,” the OP wrote. “I guess this annoyed him more because he told me that was a stupid question and demanded I give him the ring.”
The OP pointed out that she gave him plenty of notice to come and collect the ring over the last three years, but he didn’t want to hear it.
“He asked me if I had any idea how much that ring was worth and reminded me it was his grandmother’s,” the OP recalled. “I told him if the ring was so important to him that he should’ve responded to my messages or came to collect it since he obviously knew where I lived.”
He told the OP that he had used that ring “because it was so important, but if he had known that I would be so spiteful to give it away he would've come back for it.”
“We kept arguing and he told me I would regret it if I didn’t get the ring back to him by the end of the week,” the OP recalled. “I told him if he wanted it back so badly, he should bid on it because it was too late. He eventually left after telling me I had a week to get the ring back ‘or else.’”
The OP thought she was completely within her rights to get rid of the ring, but after speaking with her sister, she's starting to have her doubts.
“I gave him plenty of opportunities to take the ring back and if it was that important to him, he would’ve,” she argued. “He also can 100% afford to bid and win it back, so I don’t feel as bad about refusing to ask for it back since his money will go to a worthy cause.”
Then she wanted to know if she had been a jerk.
The comments section was pretty divided — some people thought the OP's ex blew his shot at getting the ring back.
"You gave him three years? And he responded immediately after you said it was gone? Meaning he was reading the messages and just deciding not to respond? Lmao. No you're [Not the A–hole]. If he cared he would've gotten it immediately," wrote one person.
"This man had one THOUSAND days to get the ring back. [Not the A–hole]," someone else agreed.
A third person agreed that the OP wasn't the asshole here, adding this:
"He dropped the ball and now he's panicking. Not your circus, not your problem. Also, why is he threatening you? If you're worried, I'd report that to the authorities. I've had clients charged with uttering threats for much less."
Other people thought the OP went too far.
"You could have paid some postage with some insurance and sent it back," one commenter explained. "Yes, he could likely sue you, and he could win. Heirloom betrothal contract jewelry does not fall under 'gift.' You're petty and you're pretending to be put out when you could have solved the issue easily. Yes, I do hope you get sued."
"You should have sent him a certified letter, because of the monetary, and sentimental, value of the ring," someone else pointed out.
She was in the wrong, another person shared, "it's his family's ring, if you dont want it, give it back to his family. "If you're done you're done. This is petty! You gave him multiple opportunities but it still wasn't really yours to give away. If you still have a chance to give it back, you should. Don't mess with the karma Gods, not worth it."
The OP later wrote that she did "contact his family, no one responded."
The ex will just have to hope he gets the winning bid.
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