The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is often complicated. Usually, there's a push and pull between the woman who raised a man and the woman he chooses to spend his life with. The relationship doesn't always go smoothly because friction is an intrinsic part of a mom letting go, a son stepping up into the partner role, and the wife becoming the new caretaker.
The truth is, some smother-in-laws (see what we did there?) have a harder time letting go than others. Such is the case with one mom, who is refusing to relinquish power over her son and insists that she insert herself in his marriage. The daughter-in-law is devastated and livid and told Reddit all about it.
The original poster was devastated, so she went to Reddit’s "Just No MIL" community seeking guidance. “My MIL told my husband to divorce me during IVF.” We can’t speak for everyone, but it sounds like the OP’s husband is comfortably under his mother’s thumb — and that is a major red flag.
The OP begins, "I had always thought that my MIL liked me and that I got along very well with her … until last week."
According to OP: “My husband and I were married last June. We had been talking about hopefully having kids so we went straight to IVF due to our ages-39 for me, 43 for him. I won’t lie, I was surprised at how hard the IVF process was emotionally and mentally for me. Lots of ups and downs including one miscarriage. I did become depressed from it.”
But she was all in and did all the hard things necessary to get the baby they'd always dreamed of. But her MIL did not approve of the method and was not shy about making her opinion known. In fact, she made it clear that she was right and her daughter-in-law was wrong.
"Since we’ve gotten married, my husband has been suffering from extreme anxiety."
Apparently, OP’s husband was becoming increasingly more stressed about everything — life, work. He even started seeing a professional and taking medication for his mental health.
“Last weekend, my FIL stopped by and expressed concern that our place was very cluttered. (Not unhygienic but cluttered.) On Monday, my MIL called me and started yelling at me that I was the source of all of his stress, that I needed therapy, etc. (To be fair I am in therapy, as infertility has stressed me out but this conversation was not done with good intentions or like an intervention. The 'conversation' was her yelling at me saying if they had known I was like this that they never would have told him to marry me.)”
He’s not the only one suffering and experiencing stress and anxiety.
“I tried to explain that both of us have a lot of stress but she kept saying that he wasn’t like this before we got married.”
After enduring the phone call with her MIL and the mental anguish that ensued, her husband asked for a divorce.
“My MIL and SIL had talked to him and now they think all of his anxiety will go away as soon as we’re divorced.”
The OP’s husband has no interest in trying couples' counseling and since he asked for the divorce, he hasn’t seen or spoken to his wife. He’s shutting her out and she just had her third egg retrieval three days later.
OP shared with Redditors, "My MIL told my husband to divorce me during IVF," and wanted validation that she wasn’t in the wrong for feeling shocked.
Most Redditors agreed with the OP that her husband is in the wrong for letting his mommy decide who and when he marries and divorces. Public Redditor opinion pretty much sees her husband for the mommy’s boy he is.
“Sounds like the trash is taking itself out," wrote one commenter. "You deserve SO much better than a grown a– man who decides to divorce you because mommy says so.”
Another commenter said what everyone was thinking: “Honestly, I would choose some donor sperm and keep going with my single mother journey. Let him and his toxic family go.”
Another commenter had some sage advice: “Honestly I'd keep those eggs and go for a different sperm donor so baby won't be connected to them and you can have a divorce and clean break from them all. Don't stop your dreams of having a baby for a man child. Take this as a sign that you can do it and you don't need him. He isn't the right person for you if he listens to his parents like that.”
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