Being in a long-term relationship means becoming deeply intimate with another person. We share our homes, our bodies, our finances, and, for couples with kids, we’re also trying to raise good human beings along the way, too. When a relationship is good and healthy, there can be some real comfort in being with someone who knows who we really are and accepts us with all our gifts and flaws.
But does being in a healthy, long-term relationship mean that we have to be 100% transparent with our partner? Sure, most of us agree that honesty is almost always the best policy. But we also know that some little white lies and secrets can help a relationship. Do our partners really need to know that the sound of their chewing when they eat cereal makes us want to do a little murder? Probably not. Still, does that mean we have to share every single big secret with our partner? Well, according to 17 moms who have some seriously juicy secrets, the answer is no!
We love a juicy secret, so we promised anonymity in exchange for getting to hear the secret that moms are keeping from almost everyone, including their partners!
The Faker
"I’m kind of a cliché, I guess, but my secret is that I pretty regularly fake orgasms. I’m on an anti-anxiety medication that makes it hard to have an orgasm and sometimes I’d rather just wrap things up and go to sleep then keep trying for something that may or may not happen. My husband is really into making sure I finish first, so if I don't finish, he probably won't either, and that seems dumb. So I'll keep putting on a little show, I guess."
Eating Disorder
"My partner doesn’t know that I used to have a pretty serious eating disorder and that I still occasionally have relapses. I don’t know why I haven’t told him. I think he’d be supportive and concerned but I just feel like this is something that I want to only handle with myself and my therapist."
Old Flame
"I still sometimes message with my high school sweetheart on Facebook. We aren’t going anything inappropriate (he’s happily married too), just catching up and being nostalgic, but I think it would make my husband feel nervous so I don’t mention it. I like having conversations with someone who still thinks I'm the cute 16 year old who made out with him in his parents' Volvo."
Lifter
"I used to shoplift sometimes. I did it when I was broke as a teenager and sometimes would do it even after we were married. It is a thing that happens sometimes when I feel super anxious. I would be so ashamed if he ever found out."
Secret Vote
"I will probably never tell my husband that I voted for Joe Biden. I've never voted for a Democrat before and my husband actually works for a Republican state senator, so it would be a big f—ing deal to him. But I couldn't take four more years of Trump."
Sugar Baby
"My husband doesn’t know that I kind of had a sugar baby situation happening before we met. I was with an older guy who paid my rent and gave me lots of gifts and trips. Our usual date was shopping and then sex. I liked him OK, but I definitely stayed with him longer because of the money stuff. I only broke up with him when I could tell that my husband was the real deal."
Apathetic
"I’ve never told my wife that I basically never vote. She is super into politics and activism and stuff and I just don’t get the riled up about it. I vote when there are anti-LGBT things on the ballot but that’s basically it. I live in a majorly red state, so I don’t think my vote matters much anyways. Our elections are never a surprise so I don’t stress it if I don’t make it to the polls. She would flip her lid if she found out. She is so passionate about SO! MANY! THINGS! and I'm just kind of internally apathetic."
Hidden Funds
"About three months before our wedding, my uncle died. He didn’t have any kids and he was my godfather, so he left me a BIG inheritance. Like six figures big. I parked it away in an investment account and never told my husband. I feel like it is my safety net, my way of being sure I’m never trapped in a bad relationship just because I can’t afford to leave. I feel a little guilty that our marriage started with kind of a big omission, but now it's been over five years so it seems hard to know how to bring it up, especially since we have some debts we could pay off with it."
College Secret
"In college I got arrested for public intoxication and indecent exposure (I was peeing in the storm drain in front of our college bar. So classy!). The charges got cleared up without anything being on my record, even though I was pretty messy and mouthy to the cops. I for sure had some white girl privilege in that moment. It is not something I’m in any hurry to tell anyone about, even though he’d just laugh at me, I think."
Daddy Issue
"I will never, ever tell my husband this, but I have a crush on his dad. Nothing will ever happen, but I actually met his dad first because we worked out at the same gym and I thought he was such a silver fox. He actually introduced me to my husband, because he thought I was pretty and would be a good fit for his son. He was right, but I still kind of have to live with the knowledge that if he had asked me out for himself, I would have said yes!"
Asexual Wondering
"I’m not sure if it’s a secret or if I’m just not sure myself, but I think I might be asexual but I’ve never said anything to my spouse about it. I feel love and tenderness toward my partner, but I don’t crave sexual intimacy and I don’t think I ever really have. I’m not sure where the line is between really low libido versus asexual, so I probably need to try to learn more about it."
Not My Thing
"My husband really, really wants to try anal. He’s never done it and it is a fantasy of his. I’ve said no (because I am not even remotely interested) but he doesn’t know that I have actually done it in the past with my prior husband. It just isn’t my thing. He also wants a threesome, which I've also done before and don't intend to do again. Sucks for him that he met me after my ho phase was over!"
Not a Grad
"We met when we were both adult students at a community college and I think he assumed, like most people do, that I’ve graduated from high school. But I actually dropped out when I was a junior and didn’t get my GED until I was in my 20s. My teen years and early 20s were pretty messed up and I don’t like to revisit that time, so I don’t talk about it with him or anyone else."
Fan Fic Secret
"He would make fun of me forever if he found out about my secret hobby: I write Harry Potter fan fiction. Specifically slash fan fiction involving Harry and Draco (and, um, sometimes Ginny. And Hermoine. And Viktor Krum. It gets freaky in the Room of Requirement). He knows I love to write but he’d think this is so dorky. He isn’t wrong, but I love it."
Monthly Money
"Is it weird to keep it a secret that I still get a monthly allowance from my parents? They put $300 in my account every month with the understanding that I am supposed to use it for stuff that makes me happy and not for kid stuff or bills. My parents struggled financially for a lot of my life so we never had fun money or took trips when I was a kid. Their income changed a lot about 15 years ago and they now give both me and my sister fun money that they couldn’t give us when we were young. I like having money to be selfish with, so I don’t want to tell my husband because I don’t want to share."
Body Count
"My body count is way higher than his and way higher than he thinks mine is. I had a lot of fun when I was in college and grad school. He’s more conservative about that stuff than I am and he’d never admit it but he’d feel some kind of way about knowing that I’ve been with at least 50 guys (and 5 girls)."
The Snoop
"My secret is that I am a complete snoop and always have been. I used to read my sister's diary. I snooped in my parent's drawers. I've gone through the drawers and closets of every roommate I've ever had. With my husband, I check his phone, his socials, his email all the time. Sometimes I ruin surprises for myself but I just can't quit!"
