Weddings are expensive. There’s no denying that. And while some people choose to cut back on flowers or maybe buckle down and do some DIY to save a couple of bucks, one couple went a completely different way with their money-saving efforts — and some people thought it was downright tacky.
It all started when the original poster received an invitation to their friend’s wedding.
Which had a small, but definitely strange, note written on it.
“On the invite it states, ‘We are unable to afford the food, so it will be $99 per head banquet style,’” the OP wrote in their post on the r/weddingshaming forum.
If that wasn’t bad enough the wedding is four hours away.
And childfree — "so we need to pay for [gas], accommodation, outfits, babysitter and our food to eat at the wedding,” the OP added.
Even after having guests chip in for their dinner, the couple also has a Wishing Well — aka “a box or literal mini well that guests can put a ‘money gift’ in to go towards their ‘future, honeymoon or new house,’” the OP wrote.
But even that seemed like a stretch to the OP as “they have three kids and a house already and not planning on a honeymoon.”
Many people in the comments section thought this was one wedding that the OP should skip.
"I wouldn’t even let the ink dry on the 'unfortunately we are unable to attend' reply before I mailed that off," wrote one commenter.
"That's a 'No' from me," another person wrote. "If you can't afford to feed your 'guests', then don't have some type of wedding. Instead go get married, go to dinner with a couple of people, if you must, and on the first anniversary a year later, have a bash. This type of situation is why having engagements of a certain length happen."
"Would love to know your reply," a third person wondered. "Mine would be a kind but hard, not going to be there. Why do people always think that a wedding is a valid reason to go over budget? There is no way any food is good enough to justify $99 a person at a wedding (assuming it's no open bar – but who knows). If someone asked me to pay for my own wedding meal, I would deduct that from their wedding gift. It's just tacky. People need to start getting real and only planing for what they can afford. Its one day. Why start off your marriage in debt?"
A few people thought it might be OK.
One person admitted: "If they say $99 in lieu of a gift I would consider going. If they expect a gift on top of it, I wouldn’t go."
"I mean, this is odd, but they're up front with their expectations," another commenter noted. "Is it worth it for you? Were you only going for the food?"
A third commenter chimed in: "Here's my unpopular opinion, its not the most insane thing to not pay for 100+ peoples dinner when you have a wedding, nor do I expect the bar to be open tab. I also don't expect gifts. The wishing well is pretty nuts though."
After reading through comments, the OP decided to do a little math.
"I calculated $99 x 200 guests and that’s $19,800…. So now I’m thinking they’re pretty much having everyone foot their freaking wedding which is even worse," the OP wrote later in the thread.
But the OP wasn't afraid to tell their friend the truth.
"She’s a good friend," the OP wrote. "And I was so blunt with her when she sent the invite and told her how I thought it was a bit tacky. But she doubled down and said she thinks it’s fair to ask etc., and if people really wanna be there they won’t care to pay and how you can find cheap accommodation blah blah blah."
Ultimately, the OP's friend might be surprised by how many people don't "really want to be there," but the best thing the OP can do is RSVP no and try not to say "I told you so" later.
