It's a disgusting, perverted world full of miscreants, and we're all just livin' in it.
Like it or not, we've all got at least one of these stereotypically sleazy men in our lives, but even more likely is that we've come across them all at one point or another.
Ranked from 9 to 1, where 9 is "budding perv" and 1 is "possible registered sex offender," here are the nine sleazeballs every woman meets in her lifetime.
9. The creepy kid you babysit for
He's not old enough to go a whole night without a babysitter, but he sure doesn't act that way.
His bedtime is nine o'clock now, he brags in a pre-pubescent voice.
Oh, you brought your boyfriend with you tonight? He can mop the floor with that guy. Good thing he's just a kid; maybe he'll grow out of it..?
8. The forward foreign-exchange student
Hey, it's not his fault — he's not from here, so he totally doesn't know that American culture frowns upon the complimentary ass-pat between classes.
Oh, what, all your beaches aren't nude beaches here? Too bad he left his swim trunks at home…
7. The philistine photographer
Has anyone ever told you that you should be a model? This guy has. Many times. He's even offered to help you build a portfolio, because that's just the kind of guy he is.
And he'll do it for free, too! No expectations, really…
6. The sleazy super
You rely on him to fix the sink, to tend to the rampant rodent problem in your building, yet for *some reason* you don't want him doing in your apartment when you're the only one home.
Or even when everyone's out for that matter… but you'll just lock your underwear drawer anyway. You know, for safekeeping.
5. The demented mentor
Ain't it great to have a mentor? Someone who's there to guide you, coach you, provide you with invaluable advice, and take you under his wing?
Oh wait, he literally wants to take you under his wing. But in this case, a "wing" is kind of a euphemism.
4. The pervy personal trainer
Somehow, you're never QUITE stretched enough before (or during, or after) a workout, and no-no, please — let the professional help you do it right.
The burn means it's working!
3. The beastly boss
Step into his office for a minute! He's noticed what a great job you've been doing lately, what an asset you are to the team, and hard work like that won't go unrewarded!
He sees great things for you at the company, and if you play your cards right (*wink*) you could go far.
Now if only he'll say it to your face, and not to your chest.
2. The douchey doc
Maybe he's your ~*friendly*~ family physician, or maybe he's the neighborhood dentist — regardless, he's got a "Dr." in front of his name, and he's just a little bit ewwy.
Not that he's done anything actually unethical, but when a guy in a labcoat asks if you've "got a little boyfriend" while palpating your lymph nodes, all you can do is pray that's the only thing he's thinking of palpating.
1. The unnerving uncle
It's allllllways the uncle, isn't it? If he's not your real uncle, then he's your godfather, or your dad's college roommate who always comes over for family dinners who everyone's taken to calling Uncle Jack over the years…
And who can't help himself from commenting on "how much you've grown" (especially in certain areas), and how you're never too big to sit on old Uncle Jack's lap.
LOL BYE.
