Sadly, there is never a shortage of stories in the news about domestic violence. All too often, we read about toxic relationships that come to a tragic end when one partner kills the other and sometimes dies by suicide as well. Australian criminal psychologist Tim Watson-Munro thinks there is a common trait among men who kill women.
In an article for news.com.au, Watson-Munro said he feels men who kill women are inadequate men with "fragile egos."
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These men want to dominate their female partners.
Watson-Munro has used his expertise as a criminal psychologist to examine many murders, including the recent killing of Lilie James, 21, who allegedly died at the hands of her ex-boyfriend, Paul Thijssen, 24. He said in his research, that men who killed their partners have typically wanted others, particularly their female partners, to be subordinate.
When their authority is threatened, they may become physically and psychologically violent. Sadly, that violence sometimes ends in murder.
Women need to watch for certain red flags.
The types of men who Watson-Munro has profiled tend to throw up the same kinds of red flags. He said these men will often be overly gracious with gifts, affection, and attention at the beginning of a relationship. He explained that it may appear flattering but could signal future problems.
"These individuals tend to be fast movers in terms of establishing the relationship and once this occurs, a subtle pattern of escalating control develops," he wrote.
Potential killers may try to take control.
Additional red flags include a man wanting control of things like his female partner's relationships and association with other people, in essence making himself the main point of contact.
"Because the victim has lost contact with external sources of support, they become increasingly susceptible to this type of manipulation. Gaslighting is also a popular tool of control. This involves the male denying the partner's reality, causing them to question their judgment and in extreme cases to question their sanity. Other factors may include substance use with alcohol and drugs impacting upon the offender's judgment and impulse control, making it more likely that they will act in a violent manner," he explained.
When the man loses control, and the relationship falls apart, he may go to extremes.
If a woman decides to break up with this type of man, he may feel like she is attacking his masculinity and his control of her. Watson-Munro warned this is when a woman is in the most danger.
"The time of highest risk of homicide for the potential victim is when they leave or during the period that they attempt to leave the relationship," he said.
The man may try to manipulate the woman and bring her back under her control with promises that he will change, and things will get better.
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In the case of Thijssen, he seemingly wanted ultimate control of his alleged victim.
James was found dead on October 26, in a bathroom at St. Andrew's Cathedral School in Sydney. She was believed to have been murdered by Thijssen with a hammer. The couple reportedly only dated for a few weeks, but after their breakup, it appeared Thijssen felt that if he couldn't have James, no one could.
Hours after James' death, Thijssen reportedly called the police to confess the crime before plunging off a cliff and dying by suicide.
"It is clear that Paul Thijssen was determined to maintain control of the dynamics even after murdering Lilie James. This is well amplified in him using the deceased mobile phone to text her family with a request to collect her from the school," Watson-Munro wrote.
If you or someone you know has been the victim of domestic abuse, you can find help and support at DVIS.org, the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or by contacting your local women's shelter (domesticshelters.org).
