12 moms reveal what their vaginas are like after having kids

One of the biggest concerns among women who haven't had kids yet, aside from how much it will hurt and all the what-ifs of parenthood, is how their bodies will change — especially their vaginas.

But where better to get honest, un-sugarcoated information than from women who've given birth? Here's what happened to 12 Reddit moms' ladybits after they had kids:

"Directly after birth, it's a mess down there."

"So much so that you'll be given a bottle to squirt yourself clean rather than wipe. And it will take the whole six weeks until you'll want to try to evaluate it.

"During the first birth I was torn but stitched back up. I'm the sort of woman who has spent a decent amount of time using a mirror to see what is going on down there. Visually, it looks almost completely the same. You can only see a very small amount of asymmetry where the skin healed from my stitches but you'd have to have really known what to look for to notice.

"As to how it 'performs,' it also seems to be exactly the same. I have always done intermittent kegels and my husband says that he can't tell the difference. He could be trying to preserve his life, but the fact that he still achieves orgasm in the same amount of time would seem to back his claim up. Sex is still just as pleasurable to me.

"The one thing that some women will experience that is a bummer is some temporary or in rare cases permanent urinary incontinence. I developed some and it took months of kegels to prevent myself from peeing every time I sneezed or laughed. But a stringent kegel routine has eliminated this problem."

— scannycat

"We called it 'Frankenpussy' in the first six weeks..."

"…and I didn't dare even look until about month two. Now, four years out, it's totally fine, with one literal pain in the ass caveat: a fucking hemorrhoid."

— anonymous

The partners of women who've had kids had some things to say, too.

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"My wife and I have two children, both delivered vaginally. She had second-degree tearing with one and first-degree with the other. If your partner has any concerns about it, let him know that (at least in our case) the sensation for me has been the same.

"I too had heard tales of it being like 'a hotdog down a hallway,' but that is not the case at all. In addition my wife, if anything, appears to be enjoying sex even more."

— toothofjustice

"I tore a lot with my first born. I tore to my anus, and it took months to heal."

"Before it fully healed (about 10 months), it was really painful sitting and going to the bathroom.

"After delivery, I asked my doctor not to sew me up too tight. I was worried about it being too tight down there later, and I didn't want it to be painful. … Anyway, sex was a lot better after delivery. Well, not immediately! After childbirth, you can't have sex for about eight weeks, and even then, you probably won't want to (in my experience) for a little while longer. But the skin around the entrance to my vagina was no longer too tight. Some positions that used to be uncomfortable no longer were.

"After the birth of my second child, things bounced back much more quickly. I only had a superficial tear that required a single stitch. Healing took no time at all! I still bled for weeks and weeks and weeks (I bled about 10 weeks after each birth). But after that, I was good to go physically! In my experience, the vagina is tighter post-childbirth than before childbirth for a while. I think most women who go through childbirth will tell you that. It takes a little bit for things to relax down there again.

"I don't think my scarring was that bad. I never really looked, and my husband hasn't said anything. I've heard of some women saying their scarring was bad."

— ThePolemicist

"My vagina has not changed a whole lot physically."

"It's easier to orgasm, and I'm happier with quickies though.

"And, decidedly less pubic hair. Stretch marks in funny places left me with a slightly mangey looking bush, LOL."

— FluffernutterJess

"Mine bears little resemblance to its former glory, but I don't care."

"I had no idea about how much it all can change down there, and was like, 'why is this not talked about more?!?!' But now I know why: You just won't care that much. I care more about my pelvic floor strength/urinary continence… and I certainly cared more about my kid. He had to have open heart surgery at six days old. Let me tell you, that will get your priorities in order REAL quick.

"My husband of course can tell differences but it doesn't seem to affect his enjoyment or performance.

"Vag tears heal. You should look into prolapses and ongoing urinary/fecal incontinence if you really want to talk yourself out of having kids. It's the ongoing issues that really affect your life."

— OZblondie

"I'm 38 now, and my vagina is as fine as when I was 18."

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"The shape has changed some, my labia have lengthened, but the hole is as tight as it had been before. My husband can rarely get more than two fingers in during sexy times. I do have mild trouble with urinary incontinence, but as other posters have mentioned, kegels work wonders. I have read that pelvic floor issues are more dependent on genetics than mode of delivery, and it's true that even women who have c/s can have pelvic floor problems, so I don't put too much stock in that.

"In all, I loved being pregnant and having children. My kids are awesome, being a mother is awesome. Labor is hard work, but boy is it worth it."

— anonymous

"Mine changed color."

"It used to be pink, now it's purple. I know it's silly and shallow, but my honest answer is I don't like the color change. I'll get over it."

— StrawberrySwitchblade

"Mine got bigger — not by a lot, but enough to where I could tell the difference in a nice, meaty girth and a not-so-much one."

"I'm fairly petite, along with my pre-kid vagina, and that big baby head and shoulders definitely caused some changes. I did/do my kegels, but it never quite got back to what it used to be (fifteen years on). Not that it's a monumentally life-altering thing, mind you. More than anything, it simply stretches more easily and readily than it used to. I can still grip and hold on as well as ever, it just takes a little more voluntary action on my part. That's certainly not a bad thing. But the ex did tell me it felt different from what it did before. I've got a new partner now, and he's certainly happy with it. I hate to say it, but his size may have as much to do with any appreciable differences as anything."

— monsterlynn

"Husband was kind of excited for it to be a 'whole new vagina,' but that didn't come to pass."

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"Internally, vagina really seems very much the same. … I had some dryness and painful spots for about six months, and they went away at about the same time as my period returned.

"Externally, I had a repair that happened to even out my previously uneven labia. An unintended consequence is that I often pee really forward now, so I have to angle carefully or it will shoot forward instead of into the bowl. This displeases me greatly. But I guess people end up with way worse issues (I never had any incontinence, even immediately after birth), so I probably shouldn't complain.

"My sex drive is still basically non-existent, but I'm still breastfeeding around the clock, having a bit of an existential crisis, and our son sleeps in our bed. I am fairly confident that the libido issue will resolve when some of those things change."

— Gluestick05

"I think the 'it changes after birth' thing is exaggerated."

"I've had several kids, all vaginally, all heavier than average, and I had episiotomies. … I have it on good authority that I'm right about that, at least in my case. I did have one friend who complained that sex was very painful after she had her baby, but … sex life really depends on your relationship."

— jen_sen

But what about women who didn't deliver vaginally?

"I had a c-section, so my vagina didn't change at all. My sex life was the exact same after pregnancy and birth. I have some issues that make sex hurt so it's not like we were ever super spontaneous or had quickies on the kitchen table. Plus we lived with our parents. The only difference was that during the last months sex was very uncomfortable and after birth we had to wait a few weeks for things to be normal again, otherwise it could fuck things up."

— xSolcii