Do you believe in ghosts? Are there angels among us? Do you feel a supernatural presence in the room with you from time to time? Although most of us may never witness any paranormal activity, some people claim to be plagued — or haunted, if you will — by spirits.
For example, a woman who moved into her deceased parents' home says she needs help avoiding the paranormal. She and her husband are building a life in the home, but it appears mom and dad might have never left. She wants to move on, but her parents keep meddling in her life. She recently asked for advice in Slate's Dear Prudence column.
So, what's really going on here?
The letter writer, or LW, explained that she has "always been sensitive to the spirits of the dead." Her mother told her that she played with her dead grandfather all the time when she was a kid, and she claimed to know things that there is no other logical way for her to know without some intel from the spirit world.
"Except for a few terrible childhood field trips to battlefields, I've always found it comforting — most spirits are gentle and not all that interested in people they didn't know in life, and I enjoy the fact that even when I'm alone, I'm not really alone," she wrote in her letter.
Her parents died, and she inherited their house.
LW's father recently died, her mother has been gone for years, and she and her husband inherited the house. She was happy and thought it would be an excellent place to raise a family. But things are getting weird.
"My parents won't leave me alone!" she complained.
Her dad seemed to be hanging out during an intimate moment in the bedroom (ugh, gross) and her mom got ticked off that she tore down some wallpaper. Then, during a petty argument with her husband, LW noted that her parents both showed up and took sides.
"I did not sign up for moving back in with my parents," she wrote.
She doesn't know how to get them to leave her alone.
LW shared that from experience, she knows there is no use in trying to get them to leave her alone: The dead won't take direction from the living.
Although she wants a break from them, she feels comforted that her children will grow up with their grandparents' spirits. So she asked, "How can I get used to having my parents hovering over my shoulder all the time?"
Prudence isn't sure about this one.
She replied that she is no paranormal expert and won't deny that LW's parents are still hanging around the house. Instead, she took a page from the experts and suggested that LW implore the universe to remove any "negative entities from this house."
The columnist wrote that the parents need to go back to where they came from, and she offered this advice, "Since you know these people, you can preface that with 'Sorry mom and dad, but…'"
The feedback on the letter writer's story was not great for her.
Commenters think that the LW might be imagining things. They just can't believe that this is real.
"The way to get ghosts to leave you alone is to stop believing in them. They do not exist, and you are doing it to yourself," one person commented. "And in your bedroom, while you're going at it? Talk about daddy issues."
There were thoughts that it could be seriously damaging her relationship with her husband.
"This is going to sound super dismissive but either get professional help or accept that you will always perceive that your parents are watching you have sex while you're in that house. If neither is an option, move," one person wrote. "For the record, if my spouse all of a sudden started telling me his dead parents are weighing in on our fights, and he didn't see anything psychologically wrong with that, I'm pretty sure I'd leave, certainly before making any little humans with him to tie us together forever."
Maybe it is real and she needs to 'talk' to her mom and dad.
Not everyone thinks that she is making this up, and some say she needs to have a legit conversation with her parents about what is really going on.
"Dead or alive, you need better boundaries with your parents and (what you think are) their expectations," one person suggested. "Walk around the house and have a conversation with them — Mum and Dad, if we're going to live together, we need some ground rules. It's not appropriate for you to intrude on private moments. I expect you to stay out of our marital bedroom, just like we'd ask you to do if you were here in person."
There were some who believed her account and could empathize.
"I suspect we carry our parents with us, in a lot of ways, regardless of whether they are alive, dead, or ghosts," one commenter shared. "That kind of came through in the letter. Mine aren't ghosts, but I periodically have to gently remove my dead parents from my mental processes, because they can still influence me in non-productive ways."
And then there was the person who claimed to have the same problem and offered this tip:
"LW1, a year ago I wouldn't have believed you, but I went through some really really weird stuff earlier this year and spirits of my relatives/ancestors showed up and were really interfering with my life.
"I've managed to get back to my normal life by putting up a psychic shield (in my case, it's orange, you can do the same, you just can't repurpose the same color for something else)," the person continued. "If they can't see you, then they can't hear or interact with you. Every day, say this 7x: 'I ask for my 48 hour orange shield to prevent the spirits of my parents from seeing me.'"
There were lots of pleas for the woman to get some professional help.
Even though reaching out to this kind of forum can be cathartic, many people felt unqualified and wanted the LW to seek professional help to get her through this tough time and to manage her grief.
"It's clear that the letter-writer is not coping well with their losses. Their grief is disrupting their life and their marriage to a point where they are unable to be intimate with their partner or to have difficult but important discussions with him one-on-one without bringing others into it," someone commented "They need to see a psychiatrist. This grief is not healthy. It's severe and psychotic."
"Feeling the loving presence of those who have died is one thing, but if they're yelling at you about wallpaper, showing up during arguments with your husband and taking sides, and spying on you in your bedroom – that's not normal, healthy grief," another person wrote. "That's psychosis."
No one will deny that the LW is feeling something substantial about or toward her parents. She obviously needs some relief, whether they are present in her home, her head, or her heart. Hopefully, she will find closure with her family, and they will give her some peace in her home.
