All parents know that when you celebrate a child’s first birthday, there are such great emotions. While a child’s first year of development is utterly amazing, that first birthday really feels more like a celebration for the parents — a time to really appreciate how much you have grown as a parent and have gone through since pregnancy. There truly is no other birthday quite like the first birthday. But the next big birthday is 10 — the big double digits. In just a short time, my daughter will turn 10. Unlike other birthdays where I felt a little emotional and excited, I feel overcome with emotions.
I have all the feels, all the time
I cry over every single photo I see of my daughter under nine years old, but all is not lost
There is still fun to be had and a ton of memories to make. Not to mention, in 10 years, we have done so much together as a single mom and daughter.
She told me the other day, “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re my favorite person. We have a bond.”
We’ve lived in three different places. We’ve experienced as a mother-daughter pair divorce, job losses, and financial distress. Hardships we don’t speak of and happy times we hold close to our heart, like beach trips, vacations to see our friends, dance team, fireworks on the Fourth of July and tons more memories. Every time she was sick or every time she danced in a show or sang in a concert or acted in a play, I was there.
And I’d be a liar if I didn’t tell the truth: that I’ve grown up along with her. That while she’s gone from baby to big girl, with adolescence hovering over us all too closely, I have become a woman. A strong woman. A stronger mother. A better person.
I don’t know how to thank her for that.
I'm still standing to catch the bouquet
Whenever I used to go to a wedding in my 20s, I would stand there and try to catch the bouquet. What was I really hoping for? Hope, I suppose. Sometimes it slipped through my hands, and other times I caught it.
That’s what the last 10 years has been: Sometimes I was exactly the parent I needed to be — catching the moment, enjoying it, and holding it in my hands. Other times I was frustrated, missing the moment or lesson by a few minutes or precious seconds.
Ten years has taught me that I will always stand up and try my best for my daughter, and even though I may drop the bouquet once in a while, other times I will catch it. But I will always, always stand with open arms, welcoming her, welcoming hope, and trying to help her become exactly who she is supposed to be.
The 10th is harder than I expected
This is the first big milestone we have hit in a long time. I didn’t expect to be so emotional. I didn’t expect to frantically search pictures wondering how it happened so fast, jogging my memories and wondering why I struggled to remember certain things but not others.
Wishing, wishing, and wishing I could redo parts of her life for just a moment. To hear that toddler laugh. To hear that 3-year-old defiance. To see that 4-year-old curiosity. To feel that 5-year-old “big girl” independence. To experience sweet 6. To laugh and be impressed by years 7, 8, and 9.
But it’s gone.
The best is yet to come they say. But, still, mamas — hold your babies tight.
