Before the pandemic hit, I used to be a fan of being busy. I had no idea how much I used this as medicine to avoid thinking about things and being alone with my thoughts until I was forced to stay in my house for months on end, escaping only to the grocery store or drive-thru. But it was a lot.
I used to wake up every morning at 5:45 to get a workout in before my kids had to be up for school. Then, I’d go out for a run, come home, shower, and take my laptop and hit the road. It was too much to stay inside an empty house all day alone, so I’d work at coffee shops or fast-food joints just to be around people and keep the void from creeping in.
If there was extra work, I’d take it even if it meant I’d be stretched too thin
More than anything, I learned I don’t need all the busy to feel complete and fulfilled
All these years I’d been running from a void I thought was there. I tried to fill in the fact that my kids were getting older and that I was now a divorced woman driving through life solo with get together with friends, always having a book in line to read when my next one was done, and always needing to have something big and epic to do. It turns out I didn't have to do that all along.
The truth is, in my whole life, I’ve never felt so content and OK with things just happening.
Not only did I have no choice but to stay put, it turns out everything else that I thought was important, really wasn’t.
It took some time and some hard work
There were still times when I feel antsy and like there’s no end in sight. But now, thanks to the dumpester fire that was 2020, I’ve learned something about myself: I am going to be OK and make it through any stressful situation.
Being a single mother navigating her way through a pandemic has shown me that I am strong and I no longer need to keep running away from my own thoughts, and that having a full social calendar doesn't make me whole. I am enough just as I am.
