Explaining death to a small child is never easy. But as one mom on TikTok is learning, it can also be a slow and heartbreaking process that takes weeks, months, and sometimes even years to truly sink in. Michelle Panzica (aka @dorkytwinmom on TikTok) has been going through this with her two young children ever since her husband died. In one recent video that went viral, she shared a particularly poignant response she had for her son one day when he couldn't quite understand why his dad wasn't coming back from heaven.
More from CafeMom: California Mom Allegedly Filled New Baby's Bottle With Alcohol To Make It Stop Crying
Michelle lives in North Carolina, where she's raising her 4-year-old twins, Maddox and Lennox.
According to her TikTok account, she's also somehow managing to go to college full time so she can earn her degree.
@dorkytwinmom Lol sorry not sorry . I’m busy lol . I’m trying to give my kids the life they deserve . Work hard now play later . K thanks bye
Although single parenthood is hard in and of itself, being a newly widowed young mom adds another layer of complexity.
@dorkytwinmom Happy birthday my sweet babies . You are my reason for everyday .
She says she often gets compliments for being 'so strong.'
And a lot of that comes from being so open and honest about her grief in a corner of TikTok known as "Grieftok."
@dorkytwinmom Having this outlet has done more for my grieving than anything and I’m so grateful to have connected w others who understand ❤️
But the truth is, she has no choice in the matter.
@dorkytwinmom ##duet with @mike_w_jr I see you
Her husband, Morgan, died in September 2020, and for the last year, she's been struggling to parent her children solo while also coming to terms with the loss of her partner.
@dorkytwinmom ##greenscreen ##happybirthday ##heaven ##loss ##greif ##grief ##heavenlybirthday
In her TikToks, she tries to focus on the 'good' days she has while also being open about the 'bad' ones.
One day in September — just around the time of Morgan's first "birthday" in heaven — Michelle had a day that simply broke her.
While sitting in the back seat of his mom's car, Maddox looked out the window and said, "Daddy’s taking too long in heaven. It’s [a] very long time."
@dorkytwinmom ##widow ##grief ##loss ##heaven y’all this convo broke me 🙁 I never know what to say .
Stung by the innocence of his words, Michelle tried to keep her composure.
"Yeah, he is taking a long time, isn’t he?" she says, as she continues filming.
"Soooooo a long time," Maddox replies.
More from CafeMom: People Are Slamming Mom for the 'Abusive' Baby Food She Makes for Her 13-Month Old
Then, the young mom gently tells her son why that is.
"Well, that’s because when someone goes to heaven, they … they stay in heaven," she told Maddox. “Until we meet them there someday."
Her reply is simple, yet effective. As Maddox continues to look at her, it's clear he's carefully thinking over what that means.
"Can’t go in the clouds," he suddenly says in the clip, as he looks back out the window.
"No, we can’t go into the clouds," Michelle tells him.
"No, because it’s too boggy in there," Maddox declares. "There are too many bugs in the clouds?"
The sweet yet heartbreaking exchange has been viewed millions of times since it was first posted.
In the comments section, thousands of people couldn't help but share just how touched they were by the little boy's words.
"He just explained that he misses his dad the best way he knew how," wrote one person.
"Everything he is saying is poetic," wrote musician Charlie Puth.
"I was not prepared for this at 8:42 am on a Thursday,” quipped someone else.
Others wrote directly to Maddox himself, hoping to send a message of hope or reassurance to the little guy.
"My mom is taking a long time in Heaven too, buddy," wrote one woman.
"I’ve spent years flying in the clouds," wrote another user, who identified themselves as a pilot. "Your dad is just fine and very proud, kiddo. He’ll see you again someday."
Then there were those who gave the grieving mother a little advice on how to handle things in the years ahead.
At least one person urged her to always keep her husband's memory alive for the kids, even though they eventually may not remember him.
Another person suggested she take Maddox "on an airplane ride and tell him he’s close" to his dad.
Countless others simply asked her to hold her kiddos close and keep loving them through their shared grief.
"Please protect these kids," wrote one person, who added that if she ever moves on and remarries, she should "make sure the man you get with loves them like his own."
