When it comes to giving birth, everyone feels differently about who should witness it. For most people, they want their partner by their side through every contraction and every push. But for others, having their mom, sister, or best friend holding their hand might feel more calming. Luckily, many hospitals around the country allow women to choose more than one labor and delivery buddy, but for one dad on Reddit, the hospital where his wife is scheduled to give birth does not. After the mom-to-be recently chose her sister to be inside the delivery room instead of her husband, it's set off quite the debate at home.
In his post, the dad admits the decision hit him hard.
"It would be an understatement to say that I was disappointed, crushed, hurt, etc. when she told me this is what she was thinking," he shared. "I had been excited about being there with her and experiencing that moment ever since she told me she was pregnant — really even since we started trying to get pregnant. I just always assumed she would want me there."
But hearing that she only wanted her sister in the room — thereby cutting him out of an experience he was looking forward to — was like a dagger to the heart.
"Note the distinction here between me expecting to be there versus expecting her to want me there," he continued. "I am pointing this out because what's worse than the disappointment is her rejecting me and basically telling me that she feels like someone else could give her better support while giving birth. That's really made me feel like a POS and worthless husband and father."
Oof.
He's tried not to take it personally, but ... that's easier said than done.
"It doesn't help that [my wife has] really given no reason for why she feels like her sister would do a better job of supporting her," he went on. "I know that her sister has had kids herself, but when I asked my wife if that was part of it she said not really."
He even tried to ask her if he'd done something wrong or "failed" in some way as a husband. But once again, his wife said no and that this wasn't a decision she made out of spite.
Quite simply, she just feels it would be better to have her sister in the delivery room.
The husband tried to push for clarity, but he hasn't gotten far.
"It doesn't seem like she has a real list of reasons why her sister was chosen," he explained. "It's just a feeling. Either that, or she is lying to me and won't give me the real reason."
Needless to say, this has all left him pretty crestfallen. But it also pushed him to make a decision that shocked even his wife.
"I had hoped she'd change her mind, but she's now confirmed this is how it will be," he wrote. "All of the things I've written about led me to tell her that if she really feels that way then I think it'd be better if her sister or someone else drove her to the hospital. Otherwise I'm just her taxi driver."
Yep — he flat-out refused to drive her to the hospital when she goes into labor.
And no, she did not take that announcement well.
"Once she realized that I was serious she lost it and told me I was acting like a child and pouting," the husband shared. "I can accept that it's her choice, but if she doesn't want my support in the delivery room then why would she want it on the way to the hospital or at any other time? That's illogical, so there's no point in me doing that either."
The disagreement was more than just a little spat.
"She decided to go stay with her family for a few days," the poster shared, "and since she has, I am being constantly bombarded by both sides of the family and friends of ours telling me to let this go and stop being an a–hole. I know they are trying to help, but I don't think they understand the situation and just want it resolved so they can all feel better."
Hence, the reason why he took the matter to Reddit, in hopes of asking others who are neutral to weigh in on his reaction.
And boy, did they.
Plenty of people found the dad's reaction over the top.
"You're not an a–hole for wanting to be there the moment your child is born," one person allowed, but "you are a HUGE a–hole for punishing her by saying she can find her own ride to the hospital and that you'll withhold other support on the day."
Considering the current global health situation, the person pointed out, hospital rules are obviously pretty tight right now — like it or not. And maybe the wife's decision was actually made out of practicality rather than spite.
"Maybe your wife has good reasons for wanting her sister there," the person added. "Maybe she feels she'll get better support from someone who listens to what she (the woman in labor) wants, someone who won't be p—y and petty if things don't go their way."
The commenter also pointed out that until a few decades ago, fathers were rarely allowed in the delivery room at all, and it was never anything personal.
But the bottom line?
"If you carry out your threats to make her find her own way to the hospital, and sulk because you're not in the room, then you will most definitely be proving her point, and also YTA," the commenter concluded.
A lot of others piled on too.
"In my opinion, the fact that he's punishing her by saying he won't drive her to the hospital while she's in labor shows exactly why she doesn't want him in there," one person noted.
"The way to support a woman in labor is by asking what she wants and doing your best to make it happen," wrote someone else. "Not by being a p—y baby before the actual baby shows up, IMHO."
That said, a lot of people understood the dad's side.
"I would be deeply, unforgivably hurt if I were in his shoes," one person wrote. "Sometimes we don't give the best reactions to that type of hurt."
"She's hurt him by not wanting him there and refusing to give a good reason," another person commented. "It is pretty unfair to exclude your husband without even giving him a reason. I say this as a woman."
Still, by and large, Reddit found the dad to be a big 'ole baby.
"Honestly, his pettiness and self centredness basically explains why she doesn't want him there," one person wrote, before declaring the husband an a–hole.
"This whole post is about how his mean wife hurting his widdle feelings and fails to consider how she feels about the having to push out a papaya-sized parasite between her legs," another person snapped.
A lot of people also suspected there was more to the story.
"I suspect the way OP is reacting is an indication of how he normally behaves/reacts to disagreements at home," one person asserted. "When his wife is at her most vulnerable during birth she wants an actual support person, not just some one there to 'enjoy the moment.'"
Finally, one person gave him this warning …
"Women still die giving birth. Regularly," the person pointed out. "This is a dangerous task. She decided who she wants there. Perhaps because she thinks you'll be more focused on your feelings then her health. Given your response to her choice I can see why she'd feel that way. You might find yourself divorced if you keep this up."
As it turns out, that comment about divorce might have been prophetic.
In an update to his post, the dad-to-be shared that he and his wife have since talked things out.
Well, sort of.
"After talking with some of you last night, I reached out to my wife this morning about the state of things and our relationship," he explained. "Mostly I wanted to know if she was planning to come home any time soon. She said that she wasn't, as I had suspected."
She also let him know that in addition to her not making plans to come home, a family member has agreed to drive her to the hospital when the time comes.
"I'm not really upset by that," the dad confessed. "I still feel it's for the best and I think she does too."
And then the man dropped kind of a bombshell ...
"We'll see what happens after the baby is born, but I don't think it's likely we'll stay together, and given our differences and differing views on marriage that may be for the best anyway," he continued. "I feel like our relationship has run its course and we're not a good fit for each other."
(Yep — it really went there.)
"I had already contacted a divorce attorney just to discuss a possible separation and things I might need to do to prepare for divorce, so I'll go ahead and start making plans assuming we're divorcing," he continued. "I probably will end up doing a paternity test so I can confirm the baby is actually [mine] since some of your are saying you don't believe it is."
wow. It looks like what started off as a bizarre marital spat really spiraled into something pretty major. But if people are correct and this disagreement is merely one small symptom of a much larger problem, then it's likely this is all for the best in the long run.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
