Everyone has heard that having kids is expensive. We know this and it’s understood, but people still forget these expenses go well into the late teenage years. Babies are pricey because we need things to help soothe them, to move them from place to place, and to feed them with breast milk or formula. Those dollars add up quickly.
But growing kids also eat a whole lot. There are some pretty significant growth spurts kids go through that can lead to large grocery bills. In addition, energetic kids burn a lot of calories, requiring even more food to keep their bellies happy. That’s really the issue that one mom is having – not with her kids but her sister-in-law’s growing kids.
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The mom (OP) took to Reddit to get some advice.
Posting in Reddit’s AITA community, she gave some background info before jumping into the issue at hand. "My husband and I have been together since high school, married straight out and we have three children together with another on the way," she explained.
"I have known his family a long time. I get along really well with them for the most part," she admitted.
Even though they seem to get along all right, OP admitted that she has limitations with them.
"I will be honest that we have not hosted a family dinner with his family in a very long time," she revealed. And it’s not because of location or anything like that – she has one reason, which she calls "simple."
"How much my sister in law's oldest two children (11 and 9) eat," she revealed. "These kids have huge appetites. We're talking three pieces of chicken with a roast dinner, two or three helpings of roast potatoes, extra veggies, extra gravy."
Her family doesn’t eat as much as her SIL’s kids do.
"Between them they could easily scoff what our household would eat in one meal," she wrote. "They are active, very sporty and we know this lends itself to it."
The issue boils down to all that food the kids eat being very expensive. And it doesn’t help the matter that OP says her SIL wants her kids to get their fill.
"My sister in law and the kids get pissy when someone doesn't allow them multiple helpings," OP wrote. "We have seen issues with her and another sister when the sister said no to thirds for the kids."
If the family hosts a buffet-style meal, where all the dishes are on the table and the guests are to serve themselves, the kids get out of control. "If you leave the food on the table for people to take what they want the kids leave so little for anyone," OP wrote.
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OP said she talked to her other SIL about the situation, and it’s been hard for her too.
"My other sister in law admitted she needs to spend an extra 20 dollars on extra food just for them and that she struggles to prepare enough food," OP shared. "So my husband and I made the decision that we would not put ourselves in that position. He considered asking her to bring extra food for her kids. But other SIL suggested that before and SIL was pissed," she added.
All was fine and it made sense for OP and her family, but her SIL recently brought up the fact that OP doesn’t ever host them. "My SIL made a few comments about us not hosting before. How we owed everyone some really good dinner," she wrote.
It all escalated a few weeks ago, OP shared.
"Then a couple of weeks ago she asked me directly why we never host," OP wrote. At first, she tried to avoid the question, changing the subject, but her SIL directly brought it up and OP didn’t hold back.
"I was honest," she admitted. "I told her I did not feel we could keep up or afford to accommodate her older two's appetites and we knew she felt like it was on the hosts to provide enough. So we simply didn't."
Not surprisingly, SIL wasn’t happy. "She was pissed, at me, and at my husband. She told me I was so rude to say that to her," OP wrote, adding that her SIL felt she "should not blame her kids for our refusal to feed the family."
Other family members are conflicted on who’s “right” in this situation, so OP asked people on Reddit.
"I think it's time to stop hosting family dinners and have a pot luck instead, if her kids have ferocious appetites," one person suggested.
"It's not so much how much they are eating but that they take most of the food and don't leave enough for other people," another person wrote. "That's just poor manners."
"You could occasionally host and have it not be a big deal. This seems pretty petty," shared someone else. "It also seems ridiculous to go to other houses and be hosted but never be the host yourself. If you figure out the ratio of food costs, then just cut it down a bit. There are also ways to bulk up cheaply, give the kids veggie sticks as a snack before dinner."
"Everyone is harping on about OP and her family 'eating their share' at family meals they're invited to but by the sounds of it they're lucky if they do get a fair share with the amount her SILs kids eat," another person pointed out. "There's having a big appetite, but then there's being greedy."
This is a weird one, honestly. And doesn’t seem like too big of a thing in the scheme of life. But hopefully this family is able to figure out how to get along.
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