As parents, we all do our best while raising and nurturing our kids. We hope they have fond memories from their childhood when they’re older and we want them to be able to grow into their best selves. For some parents, that’s a simple, easy path, but for others, there’s some conflict and stress along the way.
For one dad, he wants to be able to foster his son’s creativity, but he's struggling to allow the boy to express himself while also keeping him safe. And most recently, he’s come up against something and he’s not sure how to proceed.
So, he took to Reddit to share what’s been going on, hoping someone could share advice with him.
Posting to Reddit’s AITA community, the original poster gave some quick details about himself and his son before jumping into the issue at hand.
“I (35 M) am a single father and have been relatively supportive of my son’s creativity,” he wrote. “I think it’s important for children to be creative so they find their true passion in life.”
OP shared that his son is 12 years old and he’s really into fashion.
“I’m sure he’ll do wonderful things in the fashion industry,” he shared. “He explains a lot of new concepts to me like gender spectrum and other new things that someone like me wouldn’t know.”
The single dad shared with Reddit that his son told him he “wanted to appeal to the female gaze and the male gaze,” and that helps his son frame what kind of clothing he wears. “He wanted me to get him suits, dresses, makeup, etc.,” OP explained.
OP shared with Reddit that he doesn’t “mind” that his son wants to wear “woman’s clothing.”
But something was different one day before school. “Today when he was getting ready for school I saw him putting on one of his sundresses,” OP explained.
“I thought he was just trying out different outfits at first, so I went down to prepare some breakfast.” OP soon found out his son planned to wear the dress to school.
“When he came [down] I saw him still wearing the dress, but this time he had his backpack on,” OP wrote.
“So I asked if he was wearing it to school. He said yes,” OP recalled. But the outfit made OP uncomfortable and he told his son that.
“I told him he couldn’t and that he’d be bullied if he did,” he admitted. “I’ll spare you the details of the argument that we had, but he eventually took it off and wore boys clothing.”
His son was “very upset” and he “cried during his ride to school.”
This made OP feel for his son, but he also felt conflicted. “I want him to be happy and secure with who he is, but I also know how cruel kids can be,” he admitted.
“I don’t want him to experience that type of treatment from his peers.”
And that’s when OP turned things over to Reddit, asking for opinions.
“If he is crying because you won’t let him wear the clothes he wants, he truly and genuinely wants to wear it,” one Redditor replied. “He’s not afraid of getting ‘bullied.’ And who’s to say he will get bullied? Children are more accepting of these things than you would think.”
“Based on the above info, it looks like you support him just if he doesn’t bring his creativity outside,” someone questioned. “Looks like you’re the one that’s not comfortable because someone might see your son wearing girl clothes.”
“Yes, they may get bullied, so preparing your child for that is a good idea to make sure they understand the potential consequences of their actions,” another person shared. “Making them take the dress off is you siding with the bullies and sending the message its wrong to wear the dress.”
When the comments started rolling in telling OP he was in the wrong, he clarified that he lives in Texas.
Why does that matter? Texas recently passed anti-trans directives that could put his son in danger more than if he lived in a state that’s more inclusive. One of the state’s anti-trans laws equates doctors and parents who provide gender-affirming care for trans youth to child abuse.
“Right now Texas is fully pressing charges and going after transgender kids,” a Redditor shared. “Teachers, doctors, etc. are forced to report to local authorities who these kids are. I think it’s about the father not wanting the cops knocking on his door, CPS possibly involved, getting into a lawsuit opened by the state bc of the Governors new homophobic, transphobic laws.”
It’s clear OP loves his son and hopefully he’s able to find a way to support his son and allow him to be his true, authentic self.
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