I love my kids with all of my heart, they complete me, they're my heart beating outside of my body, and life before them doesn't compare. Of course.
Having said that … they suck. Maybe not as much as other kids, but they can. Well, at least 20 things about them do.
1. I can't remember the last adult movie I saw in a theater, but I've seen Frozen three times. (Okay, I loved it, but still.)
2. They have zero appreciation for an immaculately organized playroom. In fact, it seems, that's when it's the most fun to trash it.
3. They act like having to bathe is the end of the freaking world.
4. They insist on reading the same books over and over again, and it's never a classic, like Where the Sidewalk Ends or Where the Wild Things Are or something. It's Captain Underpants. Always Captain Underpants.
5. They only want a drink once I've gotten one for myself and left the kitchen.
6. They conveniently can't reach the hooks to properly hang their coats up on.
7. Have you seen my stretch marks? No. Because my stomach will never again see the light of day.
8. They reintroduced me to Chuck E. Cheese's.
9. They won't hug me in public, but like me to stay in their rooms until they are sleeping.
10. They outgrow shoes at record speed, but seem to fit into the crappy t-shirts I hate FOREVER.
11. They hide the remote controls so that only they can change the channel in the playroom, not their siblings. But then they forget where they hid them, so we share one remote for three TVs all over the house.
12. They always get sick at the most inopportune times.
13. They cover every surface in the house with a mystery sticky film. Including my computer that they aren't even allowed to use.
14. They don't appreciate being told "I told you so" even though I did. Like a hundred times.
15. They'll eagerly eat what I've prepared for myself for dinner, but once I make it for them, it's inedible.
16. There seems to be a direct correlation between how long dinner has taken to prepare and how much they will enjoy it. Kraft mac and cheese or pizza? Happy children. Slow cooked beef, sauteed veggies, rice, etc.? Tears.
17. They have zero respect for my personal space. Like, ever.
18. They constantly beg for sleepovers, but then are nightmares after.
19. Somehow, the dessert in their school lunches always manages to get eaten, but the apple comes back whole and the carrot bag remains unopened.
20. I somehow find the above things endearing rather than annoying.
Is it just my kids?
Image via Scary Mommy
