No matter how how hard you try to be a fabulous mother, here's the thing: There will come a time when your son or daughter confesses to thier friends (or screams at you) how badly you've screwed them up.
Ah, parenting. No one ever said it was always rewarding.
Read on for 10 ways — supported by scientific evidence! — we all (accidentally, and with the best intentions) mess up our kids.
Can you believe what toy your little girl should be playing with?
Image © iStock.com/fotandy
We Get Divorced
Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and usually, it's for the best. But an MIT economist found that the effects on kids are long-lasting. When kids of divorce grow up, they're likely to be less educated and have a lower income than their peers. They're also more inclined to marry earlier, then separate. Sigh. So yeah, there's that to add to your mother guilt.
We Say 'Yes' Too Much
We want to be warm and fuzzy parents who never disappoint, but that's not always the best for kids. According to researchers, so-called "permissive parenting" — you know, saving your kids from doing chores or exposing them to that terrible thing called bedtime — actually preps them for a tumultuous adolescence. How? Kids who get to do what they want become teens who try to work the world the same way. Whoops.
We Were Stressed-Out When We Were Pregnant
Researchers at Icahn School of Medicine at Mt Sinai found that a mother's disposition while pregnant actually affects her baby well after birth. Pregnant women who were in their second or third trimester during the tragedy of 9/11, for instance, gave birth to babies who were more stressed-out than their peers.
More From The Stir: 7 Soothing Ways to Beat Stress During Pregnancy
We Lived Through the Great Recession
A study published in American Psychologist found that parents who lived during difficult economic times have children who are more pessimistic about their own futures. Researchers theorize it's partly because of increased irritability and pessimism, especially on the — ahem — dad's part.
We're In Their Heads For the Long Run
A study published in Child Development found that a mother's influence during a child's first three years doesn't erode over time. No sirree. A mother's sensitiivity (or lack of) wields influence over a child's social skills and academic achievement well into their…thirties.
We Are What They Eat
*Mi BMI is tu BMI…*that's what a study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found. In other words, there's a direct association between a mom's weight and her daughter's. And if we're super-concerned with our own dietary habits, we'll accidentally pass that on, too.
We Love Them...and Let Them Watch TV
Who knew these two things were a bad combo? Surprise! In a study published in the journal Sex Roles, researchers discovered that for girls, being close to their mom acts as a buffer when it comes to viewing casual attitudes about sex or male sexual obsession. But the opposite was true for boys. Those with a strong relationship with their mom were more susceptible to negative stereotypes.
More From The Stir: TV Shows Then and Now: What Are Our Kids Watching?
We're Sending Our Daughters to Venus & Our Sons to Mars
You know how you and your friends laugh and laugh over how emotional women can be and how, um, somewhat less clued in your husbands are? Well, if you have a son, he's probably growing up to be the same way. Scientists at the University of Surrey found that moms tend to use more emotional words and contexts with their daughters than they do with their sons, which leads girls to grow up more attuned to their emotions. Quick! Go tell your son how sorry, guilty, ashamed, and helpless you feel!
We Let Barbie Into Our Homes
Love or hate her, you-know-who's probably found her way into your house, be it in the form of a doll, TV show, or hard, flat thing that's supposed to be a book. Unfortunately, letting girls play with Barbie puts a damper on their career aspirations. That's what Oregon State University researchers found when they let girls have it at with the fashion dolls, then asked them to pick from a list of 10 occupations they saw themselves doing later in life. (Hint: Girls chose more jobs after playing with Mrs. Potato Head.)
We Let Them Join a Troop
Selling Thin Mints is a blast. So is learning to tie knots. And there's that whole help others and be prepared thing which is pretty cool. But letting your kiddo be a Girl Scout or Boy Scout actually feeds them stereotypical ideas about how boys and girls should act. A study published in Gender & Society discovered that Girl Scouts do more artistic projects and are frequently urged to work together. Boy Scouts, on the other hand, are encouraged to work alone and do more science-y, than artsy, stuff. Geez, Moms. What were we thinking?
